My feelings are still a mess of regrets and promises I made to myself on my lowest days…but they are the only promises I have left.

“It was through your eyes that I was able to find out what this world really is. It was so big for you…to cruel and cunning, to quick and papery, to soiled and full of sell outs…it was all to much of everything, but it was the same for me. It was the same for you, and me, and everyone else, right? We all felt it, and we all drowned in those feelings of despair. Hope was just a pretty word, something to dream about until dreams became another crude mirror of this reality… But we weren’t alone…never alone…I had you, and you had me, and we had a planet full of humanity to bury ourselves in. I wanted to run away at every turn, I really did. I wanted to find the strength to get up and sprint off towards you, to follow you, to be with you, no matter what that meant. I cried until my tears dried up, screamed until I could only whisper my regrets, punished myself over and over and over so I could feel even slightly closer to you, to the level you must have been on, that lowest of lows…I lived in that hole, and I let it choke me until I was on par with you. I did all of that, but you never asked. I gave it to you like it was some sort of gift, my fall from grace. How disgusting…how small of a person I must be to think you would want that from anybody. Still…I still want you to see me…I still want to see what you could have become, if only I could have found a way to make you see me…I could have changed everything, saved everyone, made the right choices every time a fork in the road appeared. I could have been that, all of that, for you…I lived for you…I still live for you…so I can’t stop seeing this world for you, because you need me…to see this world through to another ending, you need me…I wish you could see me…I wish you could trade places, to walk this world on your own two feet, seeing the things I’m seeing through your eyes…I don’t want to walk your path if you aren’t on it…If I can only see your world but not see you…If you can only see your world and never see me…I don’t want to keep walking without you…”

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