People would be better off if they never thought about what could be, because inevitably that “could be” turns into “could have been”, and no matter what lies ahead, you’re stuck looking back instead.

Fire flakes coaxing an aura of comfort, I lay my head down in her lap and she doesn’t flinch. My days are warm, and life has become lighter since she has come home. I lace my fingers into hers and give them a gentle squeeze. I’m waiting for a change in pressure; her approval.  I’m … Continue reading People would be better off if they never thought about what could be, because inevitably that “could be” turns into “could have been”, and no matter what lies ahead, you’re stuck looking back instead.

“I’m a notorious procrastinator, but even if it takes me till the end on my days, I swear I’ll find a reason to love myself.”

I never stopped writing. I haven’t liked anything I’ve written in the past year, but I kept trying. I have thousands of stray thoughts scattered throughout my harddrive, scribbled onto the blank spaces between the ink of old accounting files that somehow missed their trip to the shredder. I kept trying, and I keep on … Continue reading “I’m a notorious procrastinator, but even if it takes me till the end on my days, I swear I’ll find a reason to love myself.”

“I only have a clear mind at 3AM, when the worlds asleep, and as I’m waiting on those pills to take me away, the last rational thoughts in my brain just leave me wondering what I’m still doing here.”

Another rainy day, another chance to wash away the filth sticking to my skin from weeks without caring about who I am becoming. It’s a fall in slow motion, a subtle slip that turns into a never ending slideshow of evenings spent worshipping the bottom of a bottle, any bottle I can find.  But it’s … Continue reading “I only have a clear mind at 3AM, when the worlds asleep, and as I’m waiting on those pills to take me away, the last rational thoughts in my brain just leave me wondering what I’m still doing here.”

Drawing from the well of experience I’ve gathered over the past 25 years of existence, I can draw one solid conclusion about my life: I’m a coward.

I’m spending my days folding up clouds and lining my pockets with dandelion flowers. Cradled in the allure of these soft, sweet distractions, it takes a moment for my mind to register that I’m shivering underneath a waterlogged sweatshirt. I think I want to walk away, to find some cover from the rain, but the … Continue reading Drawing from the well of experience I’ve gathered over the past 25 years of existence, I can draw one solid conclusion about my life: I’m a coward.

“My body is ash, saturated gray, invisible on cloudy days, and blown apart with a single puff of wind.”

All I could do was watch, As if it had nothing to do with me. Useless, bloated body,  Avalanching peaks dipping in my valley’s, Asymmetrical pieces carved from my breast, Burying this heart in another creature's chest. Screams echo empty tragedy In vibrant, blinking reds Breaking across my retina’s, Burning into my memories Another unmitigated … Continue reading “My body is ash, saturated gray, invisible on cloudy days, and blown apart with a single puff of wind.”

It’s never as bad as I think it is, until I realize every bottle in my cabinet is empty, and all I can do is wait and see if I’m going to wake up and find tomorrow, or never wake up again.

I think my subconscious is trying to force my throat shut so I can’t keep downing these pills like fucking skittles. Haha, jokes on me, I’ve spent my entire life forcing bullshit out of my mouth, so forcing some more shit back down? It’s easy as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, … Continue reading It’s never as bad as I think it is, until I realize every bottle in my cabinet is empty, and all I can do is wait and see if I’m going to wake up and find tomorrow, or never wake up again.

My heart doesn’t want to recognize that you’re gone, so I’ve learned to live without either of you.

It begins where we failed; the end of a broken road, the end of any chance we had at being whole, at being a home. Happiness on our own never seemed like an option; we had the right cards but even still we could do nothing but lament our fate and watch as they all … Continue reading My heart doesn’t want to recognize that you’re gone, so I’ve learned to live without either of you.