I believe all people are bits and pieces, and throughout life we can gather pieces from others or give some of ours away. Some people are only out to take everything they can, while others will give until they have nothing left, but most of us fall in between. And yet there are those people who will defy all logic and simply toss there pieces into the trash, for nobody and nothing at all. I don't know if it's possible to get back those pieces that have been thrown away, but this blog is all about my journey, to try and find out if someone who threw away everything for nothing can find something, or anything at all...I'm just looking for a reason to keep on living.
~My words on paper mean nothing at all, for in a moment of rage it can all be lost, tossed and torn, gone without a moment’s notice. I would prefer to write my words in the forever sky; my moments saved in a world solely for the heavens…~
Scream at me, the words you’ll never need,
Write them in the sky, so far from your seas.
The ships that you sail lack the wings
To carry you away with all of your things.
“My clouds are mine, the heavens untouched!”
So this love is mine; a pallet waiting on your brush…
Nobody just becomes an adult because they want to. Sure, people can try to be an adult, but honestly, it’s not something you can control. One day you’re a kid, and the next day that’s all over, and you are an adult from that point forward. It’s not sad or painful, at least not all the time, but it’s not something you can just will to happen, it just does.
So trying to judge yourself on the basis of whether or not you are a real adult is sort of silly, although I’m sure everybody has felt like a “bad” adult, or that they need to “grow up”. But people don’t grow up, do they? No, people don’t grow up, they just…grow.
Girl Scout cookies are heaven in a tightly baked, well balanced, easy to shovel into my mouth form. Seriously, those things taste like magic and friendship and so many other things that I’m sure will draw lawsuits from My Little Pony’s parent company if I ramble on to long. The serving size states “2 Each”, and I wondered why they would only give you half a serving with a box, because they MUST be referring to 1 box as part of the 2 each, right? I mean, who in their right mind could eat just 2 little cookies? This isn’t some pizza party where 2 slices should satisfy any persons hunger; girl scout cookies aren’t even meant to quell hunger, but instead they foster self-indulgence. These cookies are designed to boost your moral, put a smile on your face, and have you feeling satisfied as a human being, even as you realize you’ve become a literal elephant and consumed 1/5 your body weight in cookies. But while your body may be unable to move, your soul is enlightened, and all is forgiven, and you are nothing but a creature of pure light and love. And at the end of your feast, you get to pass out into the most wonderful, bliss filled sugar coma, with dreams of clouds made of cotton candy, mountains made of various flavors of fudge, and a thin mint cookie that isn’t thin, but regular sized (Is that to much to ask for, Girl Scouts?! I’m 25+ years old, I don’t need “thin” mints, I need “Thicc” mints. Make my dreams come true!!!)
So, in conclusion, the Boy Scouts should just disband, because earning an Eagle Scout honor is literal shit compared to giving another human even one crumb of the sugary allure that is the Girl Scout Cookie.
You know, I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to keep waking up in physical pain, throwing up my future all over my bathroom floor, replacing my bath rugs on a weekly basis. It’s not fun, and it makes me feel nothing. I don’t want to be nothing, but what else is there? I have to ask, because writing about it, saying it, screaming it out loud in my car at 3AM doesn’t make any other feelings come out.
I must have been happy.
It’s impossible that I could have lived over 25 years if all I ever felt was this.
But what is that feeling? I’d settle for unchecked rage at the world at large, or an unbearable guilt for the dreams I’ve abandoned. I’d take a million tears, a million crushed hearts, a million more minutes of my fall from the top to this bottom. I’d take any feeling, anything to wake me up, to make me feel… I just want to feel something…
Who doesn’t love this man? Andrea Bocelli is a musical legend, one of the greatest musicians to ever live. And I love how he’s so unafraid to add in some new flare to his stuff. Dua Lipa is amazing in her own right, and she feels right at home in this duet. Take a listen, so we can cry together. I absolutely love this stuff. Enjoy!
Yesterday while at work, somebody walked by my desk and asked what I was listening too. As I’m always eager to share my music with everybody, I pulled out my earbuds and let loose the clean French Vocals of Louane. At this point in my life I’ve built up a reputation for loving music in languages I cannot speak. I have a very basic understanding of Japanese and Spanish, and I can work my way around a French restaurants menu thanks to my obsession with cooking shows. I feel like Louane is a very modern French Pop star with clear, beautiful vocals anybody can get addicted too, and is the perfect launching point for people to expand their musical tastes into another culture. Also, the songs just beautiful, right? And it feels as if I have not been able to share many beautiful things on my blog lately, so I’ll let Louane give some light to my otherwise pitch black blog posts! Enjoy!