The majority of my hope lies with other people, but I am learning to save a least a sliver for myself.

I haven’t lived this life only to borrow other people’s things; their smiles and handshakes and promises. I’m building myself back up, or maybe up for the first time, or maybe I’m not building anything and I’m just determined not to fall any further. A lack of visible progress is discouraging, but footprints made on … Continue reading The majority of my hope lies with other people, but I am learning to save a least a sliver for myself.

My feelings are still a mess of regrets and promises I made to myself on my lowest days…but they are the only promises I have left.

“It was through your eyes that I was able to find out what this world really is. It was so big..to big for you...to cruel and cunning, to quick and papery, to soiled and full of sell outs...it was all to much of everything, but it was the same for me. It was the same … Continue reading My feelings are still a mess of regrets and promises I made to myself on my lowest days…but they are the only promises I have left.

I know what fear tastes like, how it sinks into your soul and creates…dark, so much darkness that everything is a shadow or unlit alley, and I can’t even run because I have no idea if I’m running away from the danger or getting closer to it.

Red wine is what comes to mind When I think of how you poison me. It’s slow, delicate and good in small doses But I’m overwhelmed and drowning in your sea.   You are bitter to some, smooth to others It just depends on who you ask To me, you are nothing more than an … Continue reading I know what fear tastes like, how it sinks into your soul and creates…dark, so much darkness that everything is a shadow or unlit alley, and I can’t even run because I have no idea if I’m running away from the danger or getting closer to it.

I think most people know this about me already, but I’m really, REALLY not good at this whole “living” thing.

It wasn’t an active process, just background noise, the gears turning and keeping me moving forward. One step, 2 steps, a stumble over a crack in this ancient cement driveway, a crack I’ve known since I was 5 years old, a crack I’ve avoided a 1000 times during games of tag, basketball, hopscotch. A crack … Continue reading I think most people know this about me already, but I’m really, REALLY not good at this whole “living” thing.

It’s embarrassing to have to turn down every potential swimming adventure because you don’t want to ruin the fun when they see all those scars, those mistakes you obviously haven’t learned a damn thing from..

I’ve buried myself in the Baltic, burned into my skin this rough salt water. My shipyards left barren, the lighthouse now a beacon for shadows and shame. No bravery lives here. My dreams were left behind, so nothing but my terror remains, feeding off the eerie winds that sound during all seasons. These waves carry … Continue reading It’s embarrassing to have to turn down every potential swimming adventure because you don’t want to ruin the fun when they see all those scars, those mistakes you obviously haven’t learned a damn thing from..

I only wanted to call to say that I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what I’m supposed to be sorry for, and so I found myself saying goodbye before we ever had the chance to talk.

Have you ever found yourself leaning back in a chair so far that you fear you might just fall backwards and hit your head? Why lean so far back? Why keep pushing and pushing until you reach that ultimate tipping point, where gravity takes hold of you and forces you to accept physics as a … Continue reading I only wanted to call to say that I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what I’m supposed to be sorry for, and so I found myself saying goodbye before we ever had the chance to talk.