“For all of the negative emotions I’ve built up in my veins, I’m still an empty, transparent mistake…”

I’m confusing to the public, regardless of the time, place, or lens through which I am viewed. Smartphone cameras consider my face as a smudge, so at least I can avoid being tagged in pictures posted to social media. But if you don’t exist on Facebook, are you even real? Without my opinions being expressed … Continue reading “For all of the negative emotions I’ve built up in my veins, I’m still an empty, transparent mistake…”

“You kissed me first, so of course this is all your fault. You didn’t have to kiss me… You didn’t have to make me fall in love…”

Your lips bewitched me. A glossy coat of distilled resin, Edges tinged by the Sun, And so my heart lingers On a shaking yellow dream,  The same shade  As dandelion wine. Your kiss took root, Sinking into my veins, A poison, like acid rain, And it burns, burns, burns, Until nothing remains Save for the … Continue reading “You kissed me first, so of course this is all your fault. You didn’t have to kiss me… You didn’t have to make me fall in love…”

I hate feeling alone… and I hate feeling scared, used and abused… but what I hate most of all is this inescapable sense of being open game. I hate feeling so vulnerable.

It's not like I felt 100% secure in myself before, but I didn’t feel exposed all the time. I cared about how I looked, but only to what I considered a normal degree. I spent time each morning doing my hair, making sure it looked nice, and that was that; I didn’t waste anymore time … Continue reading I hate feeling alone… and I hate feeling scared, used and abused… but what I hate most of all is this inescapable sense of being open game. I hate feeling so vulnerable.

And I know I’d waste my last words on something stupid, like “I’m sorry,” or “I never stopped loving you.”

Another day, another bottle’s contents swirling in my stomach, melting away the anxiety and replacing it with a physical sensation akin to choking. Or perhaps my throat is actually swollen shut? My lungs might be filling up with cheap liquor and cigarette smoke, leaving no room for something as silly as a chemical reaction turning … Continue reading And I know I’d waste my last words on something stupid, like “I’m sorry,” or “I never stopped loving you.”

“My chemical makeup makes it impossible to forget you, but I’m hoping that with time I’ll remember the me that existed without you..”

There is no happiness in the world, just a series of paths that grow progressively darker as more time passes. In the end, it culminates into something so black, you can’t see anything moving forward, and you can’t see anything when you look back, so your left choking on empty memories, and in that dark … Continue reading “My chemical makeup makes it impossible to forget you, but I’m hoping that with time I’ll remember the me that existed without you..”

“I’m failing. Everything that I am; body, mind, spirit, and all the other shit in between, I am a failure.”

I can’t resist the urge to break. It’s almost like a need, a physical itch that demands I scratch it with a freshly sharpened pocket knife. I hate this feeling. I am filled up with things and stuff instead of love and warmth, and it hurts. I want to cry. Every day I want to … Continue reading “I’m failing. Everything that I am; body, mind, spirit, and all the other shit in between, I am a failure.”

I don’t know where I’m coming from, and I don’t care where I’m heading. I wish I had the strength to just…stop.

I’ve spent the past 6 years trying to erase everything. If our lives are homes that grow with time, than what I have been doing is leaving the front door unlocked, every window open, and I couldn’t even wait for the world to rip out anything of value, so I actively participated in the pillaging, … Continue reading I don’t know where I’m coming from, and I don’t care where I’m heading. I wish I had the strength to just…stop.

“It only took me a few seconds to realize my mistake, but by then the damage had already been done, and I lost more of myself to a stranger..”

I don’t know how you feel about me; You never say what’s on your mind. One day your all smiles and roses And the next you treat me like a waste of time. You loved me in the morning But by Noon, you were nowhere to be found And I’m sure before I go to … Continue reading “It only took me a few seconds to realize my mistake, but by then the damage had already been done, and I lost more of myself to a stranger..”

I want to hurt me, to prove that you were nothing special. I want you to see my scars, so I can scream “See?! I don’t need you to break me! I can do it just fine all alone!”

I’ll hold out for tonight, The same as every night, But I swear this time tomorrow I’ll be better, I’ll be whole. It’s not that I enjoy lying But it’s the only thing I own; My words are still my words, Even if they have no home. So while everything is burning I’ll keep pretending … Continue reading I want to hurt me, to prove that you were nothing special. I want you to see my scars, so I can scream “See?! I don’t need you to break me! I can do it just fine all alone!”