Another rainy day, another chance to wash away the filth sticking to my skin from weeks without caring about who I am becoming. It’s a fall in slow motion, a subtle slip that turns into a never ending slideshow of evenings spent worshipping the bottom of a bottle, any bottle I can find. But it’s … Continue reading “I only have a clear mind at 3AM, when the worlds asleep, and as I’m waiting on those pills to take me away, the last rational thoughts in my brain just leave me wondering what I’m still doing here.”
I’m spending my days folding up clouds and lining my pockets with dandelion flowers. Cradled in the allure of these soft, sweet distractions, it takes a moment for my mind to register that I’m shivering underneath a waterlogged sweatshirt. I think I want to walk away, to find some cover from the rain, but the … Continue reading Drawing from the well of experience I’ve gathered over the past 25 years of existence, I can draw one solid conclusion about my life: I’m a coward.
Forever ended. Time was supposed to stand still, But that’s not how clocks work; The seconds turned into blurry months, And you weren’t there for any of them. I was never foolish enough to think I was the only person to have ever felt such a heartbreak. I felt a love so deep that, Even … Continue reading I've stopped searching for happiness, because no matter where I look, it always leads me right back to you…
Counting the years through Summers alone, But I can’t take back those Winter’s of yours Those icy, blue days, I’m begging to change, Cause I know I’ll never call you home again. What am I after? What do I need? What will help to set me free? My memories linger, through bottles and rage And … Continue reading I have waited long enough, so please let me come home. Let me feel that warm embrace and call me to the pyre.
I think my subconscious is trying to force my throat shut so I can’t keep downing these pills like fucking skittles. Haha, jokes on me, I’ve spent my entire life forcing bullshit out of my mouth, so forcing some more shit back down? It’s easy as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, … Continue reading It’s never as bad as I think it is, until I realize every bottle in my cabinet is empty, and all I can do is wait and see if I’m going to wake up and find tomorrow, or never wake up again.
It begins where we failed; the end of a broken road, the end of any chance we had at being whole, at being a home. Happiness on our own never seemed like an option; we had the right cards but even still we could do nothing but lament our fate and watch as they all … Continue reading My heart doesn’t want to recognize that you’re gone, so I’ve learned to live without either of you.
I had relationships before you, told other people “I love you”, and I don’t think I was lying to them, at least until I heard you whisper those words into my ear.
My heart remains silent, fearful of the shadows I’ve swallowed in my attempts to quell my hollow soul. With every beat, that darkness is pulled closer, and I’m left hoping this bottle of pills will be enough to keep the demons at bay, or else I’ll need to wash them all away in a rush … Continue reading I’ll chalk this latest mistake up to another bad decision made in poor lighting. I’m just happy it happened in Winter, so I have a ready-made excuse to always be wearing long sleeved shirts.
The first time I saw you, it was the middle of December, Ohio. It had been snowing a lot that Winter, more than the last 2 or 3 for sure. I’m basing my assumption on the size of the snow piles created in the parking lots of Target, Walmart, etc etc. These mini mountains are … Continue reading “I wish it would never stop snowing.”
I don't know how to forgive myself, and I've been so down on myself for so many years, I accepted that I probably won't ever be able to forgive myself. Some days I can face this realization without any fuss, but in my weaker moments my mind wanders, and I end up dreaming of stupids … Continue reading Do I deserve to be happy?