Everything is possible with enough patience, yet I find time has whittled mine to a fine, fragile point; try to hard and I’m sure to shatter, but remain as I am and I’ll have nothing left but a speck.

I want to say that you are my only family, but instead I find myself telling you about the first time I ever rode my bike without training wheels on it, how amazing it felt to manage the feat a year faster than my older brother, only to look back years later and realize I only managed it because he was there to help me..

I want to say that you are my only friend, but instead I’m boring you with stories of days I spent with my old baseball teammates at the local rec center, swimming and playing basketball and chasing girls, eating subway afterwards and thinking “I can’t wait for next Sunday to do it all again!”, only to look back years later and realize those memories only exist because I had such great friends to share them with…

I want to say that I’ll never smile without you, but instead I’m thinking back to my first kiss with that cute blonde girl I had a crush on for over a year. I took her to my first Winter Formal, spent 2 months wanting nothing more than our warm hugs in the snow and hand holding while skipping class, literally the most innocent couple you could imagine; and then it happened, in my parents driveway, the most perfect first kiss, that took over 5 minutes of having our noses touching before actually happening, and the crazy, big smile I had on my face that she mirrored back at me. Looking back years later I realize I’ve smiled just as big since that day, even when I never thought I would…

I want to say you are my future, but instead I’m looking at my first acceptance letter into college, saying I would study Civil Engineering and take morning classes starting at 7AM every single day, that I would spend Wednesdays with the other students who received the “Minorities in Engineering” Scholarships and that I would live with my Best friend from High School on campus in our very own dorm room, only to look at my transcripts to find that college isn’t even listed on them, that my major is “accounting”, and that my best friend isn’t even listed in my phone anymore, yet I was so sure of my future…

You see, I want to say you were my family, my friend, my reason to smile and my future to strive for. Then I look at where I was and where I am and I see that I’m not even close to the person I started out as, that none of us on this planet are the same today as we were even yesterday. I want to think I have reached the end, that I have nothing, so I can give up as if this was all I was ever going to achieve… But that’s the cheap way out, and I know it. What would really hurt would be to continue, even if I think it’s all pointless..because if I had a family before you, friends before you, smiles before you, and a future set in stone before you, then why would I assume that I won’t find all of those things after you? The after is what hurts, because it means memories, and memories can burn. But see what time has done? It has turned all of my memories so soft, like the first snow in February we held hands in…that memory stings, but I remember how soft the snow was in my hands that night after I dropped you off, and given more time I’m also sure that the sting will wear off and the entire scene will be as soft to me as that snow…just gotta be willing to wait it out…

~Time, you are a fickle friend, but please, keep hold of my hand till that snow is soft again…~

3 thoughts on “Everything is possible with enough patience, yet I find time has whittled mine to a fine, fragile point; try to hard and I’m sure to shatter, but remain as I am and I’ll have nothing left but a speck.

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