Tag: suicide

I wasn’t afraid to fall, so my head never left the clouds, and you never gave me a proper warning, and my wings melted away, and I believed you when you said you’d carry me, and I kept on smiling, even as my body hit the ground.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

I listened to their words and let them slowly poison me. Their mouths drip with the sweet allure of brilliant gold used to hide beneath it a torrent of unmitigated disaster. They take from your flesh, tearing away your Auburn days and leaving behind those cyanide times. Silly child, begging to be unraveled but not … Continue reading I wasn’t afraid to fall, so my head never left the clouds, and you never gave me a proper warning, and my wings melted away, and I believed you when you said you’d carry me, and I kept on smiling, even as my body hit the ground.

I tick away the time, peeling back the skin on my fingers, bleeding all over the pages of this brand new journal. I have a mechanical pencil with an abundance of .07 lead, but I still chose to write my story in red?

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

Take nothing for granted and keep your eyes focused on the future, so things like student loan debt and a terrible job market won’t swallow you whole. The thing is I don’t have it that bad. I have a pretty stable job, with plenty of potential for growth (which means more money). I am paying … Continue reading I tick away the time, peeling back the skin on my fingers, bleeding all over the pages of this brand new journal. I have a mechanical pencil with an abundance of .07 lead, but I still chose to write my story in red?

I’ve grown accustomed to my own lack of patience, pushing aside the reality of my short temper by hiding behind a mountain of excuses, like my insufficient sleep schedule or my diet of razor blades and a nightly bottle of pills. But let’s break that down to it’s pieces, shall we?

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 3 Comments

My sleep isn’t so much a lack thereof, but a world of nightmares that makes nothing feel like real rest. Every wall is a mirror, and my whole body is covered in bright red scars, and everyone I’ve ever known is watching me and walking by and offering help, offering hands and tissue paper and … Continue reading I’ve grown accustomed to my own lack of patience, pushing aside the reality of my short temper by hiding behind a mountain of excuses, like my insufficient sleep schedule or my diet of razor blades and a nightly bottle of pills. But let’s break that down to it’s pieces, shall we?

Looking at the past, you want to take a broad brush to cover the whole damn sight; smear it that turncoat black, that obsidian shadow, that unholy, ungrateful, unashamed shade of a world without a sun. That past… what a waste of conscience that failed my heart when it was breaking in two.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

Why would things have to turn out like this, huh? Can anyone give me an answer that would calm me down, turn my radical sense of self-loathing into a more calm, rational sense of mild self-hatred? I am aware; I am a creature of habit. I fall into the holes of life not because of … Continue reading Looking at the past, you want to take a broad brush to cover the whole damn sight; smear it that turncoat black, that obsidian shadow, that unholy, ungrateful, unashamed shade of a world without a sun. That past… what a waste of conscience that failed my heart when it was breaking in two.

The excuses are all gone, replaced with a very real, grounded reason to reach the bottom of this bottle. I’m halfway in, but I tend to only do things half-assed, so let’s see if I can break that habit tonight.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 5 Comments

I realize, of course, what these decisions I have made over the past few years have lead me towards; a slothful life full of wasted moments that have somehow become wasted years, turning this mind into mush and these years into a wasted life, a wasted potential, a waste of a waste, truly God’s ideal … Continue reading The excuses are all gone, replaced with a very real, grounded reason to reach the bottom of this bottle. I’m halfway in, but I tend to only do things half-assed, so let’s see if I can break that habit tonight.

If I was never aiming to accomplish anything, then by definition I couldn’t fail, right? I guess logic isn’t one of my strong suits.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 16 Comments

I’ve been here before; That point where my wrist twists at the touch of pen to paper. My body yearns for a release into words, For that is the only time I’ve ever felt..whole. Yet, once before, this very same stutter did occur. I was falling, drowning, every other analogy for dead on my feet. … Continue reading If I was never aiming to accomplish anything, then by definition I couldn’t fail, right? I guess logic isn’t one of my strong suits.

A quarter century has passed, and I don’t want this to be everything, but another day has gone by, and that empty bottle of pills feels like the only thing I can hold onto.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 12 Comments

I think my subconscious is trying to force my throat shut so I can’t keep downing these pills like fucking skittles. Haha, jokes on me, I’ve spent my entire life forcing bullshit out of my mouth, so forcing some more shit back down? It’s easy as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, … Continue reading A quarter century has passed, and I don’t want this to be everything, but another day has gone by, and that empty bottle of pills feels like the only thing I can hold onto.

The words and opinions of others mean much more to me than my own. It’s why I write and write and write; so I can read about the kind of person I’m growing into. 

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 3 Comments

I stopped listening to the words on this page, so I can’t really tell when they started to betray me. A lifetime lost in pages, it’s insane to look back and not recognize the person that wrote all of those lines. It’s such a drawn out fall, so gradual a slope that nobody would ever … Continue reading The words and opinions of others mean much more to me than my own. It’s why I write and write and write; so I can read about the kind of person I’m growing into. 

I get to work before the sun is up, and I leave work after it has already set, and I don’t even think I care anymore.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 14 Comments

The Sun is only romanticized as setting or rising, yet most of life will be experienced in between. A setting Sun bathes the horizon, outlining the nearby nimbus in blood orange as if stealing inspiration from love gone awry. The rising Sun is a steady blossom, curtailed by early morning commutes and excuses for running … Continue reading I get to work before the sun is up, and I leave work after it has already set, and I don’t even think I care anymore.

I still remember your favorite ice cream, and the way you smelled, and I’m obviously not taking enough pills to melt you away tonight.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

I lost track of the time as soon we turned on the TV. The lights and sound just served as background noise; my attention was all yours, and you knew it. We were laying down together on my couch, me the big spoon and you curled up with your head resting on my arm. Your … Continue reading I still remember your favorite ice cream, and the way you smelled, and I’m obviously not taking enough pills to melt you away tonight.