Another day, another night, another wasted chance, another series of calls to apologize for the fuck-up that is me.

The cold bites away at already frost bitten toes while my tongue feels glued to the roof of my mouth. My eyes are trained on the only source of light, the ever so bright sight of moving pictures; the modern marvel of television. They are meaningless sitcoms, containing characters nobody has ever been in "real … Continue reading Another day, another night, another wasted chance, another series of calls to apologize for the fuck-up that is me.

Ohio has a way of beating a person down, with winds that only roar during those times when I need the world to hear me scream.

I no longer get cold in the winter. That is to say I no longer care if I get cold. Of course I am affected by the wind as it hurts my face; I am blinded by the snow that covers my hair and shoulders, tripped by the ice under my feet, covering the streets, … Continue reading Ohio has a way of beating a person down, with winds that only roar during those times when I need the world to hear me scream.

I had a dream last night, and you were in it. I was talking to you, just like we are talking right now. And I said some things. Not important things. Every day, hey how ya doin type things. I said those things, and then you were gone. I said those things without really saying … Continue reading When I was a kid I hated going to bed; it felt like if I was sleeping I was missing out on life. 20 some years later? I’m fighting my way towards never having to wake up again.

Two a.m. on this desolate street corner. A blinking yellow street light above the wet corners of the road, suspended their like some kind of evening sun. The power lines still covered in powdered snow, slowly falling onto gravel and dirt under a pale wind. Every star that can be seen within a city can … Continue reading She flickers through my head, the loudest voice in my ears, promising this choice is the only choice left to me.

I listened to their words and let them slowly poison me. Their mouths drip with the sweet allure of brilliant gold used to hide beneath it a torrent of unmitigated disaster. They take from your flesh, tearing away your Auburn days and leaving behind those cyanide times. Silly child, begging to be unraveled but not … Continue reading I wasn’t afraid to fall, so my head never left the clouds, and you never gave me a proper warning, and my wings melted away, and I believed you when you said you’d carry me, and I kept on smiling, even as my body hit the ground.

I realize, of course, what these decisions I have made over the past few years have lead me towards; a slothful life full of wasted moments that have somehow become wasted years, turning this mind into mush and these years into a wasted life, a wasted potential, a waste of a waste, truly God’s ideal … Continue reading The excuses are all gone, replaced with a very real, grounded reason to reach the bottom of this bottle. I’m halfway in, but I tend to only do things half-assed, so let’s see if I can break that habit tonight.

This porch is tiny, only enough room for 2 folding chairs and a small end table. I know that only from judging the porches of my fellow apartment goers; mine is empty, and will remain so. I spend some time out there, especially while it’s raining. It’s covered, so I can be outside and remain … Continue reading You see the lightning, close your eyes and count the heartbeats until the sound of thunder rolls through your head, so you can decide if the storm is fast approaching, or leaving you behind.

I want to live in a place where my heart feels...weightless. I want to know the type of hug that feels warm, like summer air against your skin. I want to find myself lost in thoughts of fireworks and pancake breakfasts, snowball fights in January and chocolate filled Halloweens. I want to look forward to … Continue reading On clear nights I stare at the sky and make a wish to those billion year old lights, and it’s the same wish every single time.

I think my subconscious is trying to force my throat shut so I can’t keep downing these pills like fucking skittles. Haha, jokes on me, I’ve spent my entire life forcing bullshit out of my mouth, so forcing some more shit back down? It’s easy as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, … Continue reading A quarter century has passed, and I don’t want this to be everything, but another day has gone by, and that empty bottle of pills feels like the only thing I can hold onto.