Tag: January

“Tomorrow is where I placed all of my hopes, but I should have saved something, anything, to get me through today…”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 3 Comments

It's never as bad as I think it is, until I take another look in the mirror. My stomach transforms into a pretzel as the realization "I can always get worse" really begins to sink in. The old scars are so faint now that if I avoid bright lights nobody could even see them. I … Continue reading “Tomorrow is where I placed all of my hopes, but I should have saved something, anything, to get me through today…”

“In my heart, time stands still. Nothing changes, nothing grows… no matter how deep I go, I can’t cut myself free from you…”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

This is how our world ends, In that space between a heartbeat And where our worst thoughts Are lost into open air. Isn’t it strange how acute A simple sound can be? How an uneven pitch can cut The same as any knife? Lines we set in sturdy stone Are whittled down into dust, Nothing … Continue reading “In my heart, time stands still. Nothing changes, nothing grows… no matter how deep I go, I can’t cut myself free from you…”

I know the right steps to take, and spending a week in the hospital because I downed to many prescription pills is not one of those steps. So why did I just do that?

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Why would things have to turn out like this, huh? Can anyone give me an answer that would calm me down, turn my radical sense of self-loathing into a more calm, rational sense of mild self-hatred? I am aware; I am a creature of habit. I fall into the holes of life not because of … Continue reading I know the right steps to take, and spending a week in the hospital because I downed to many prescription pills is not one of those steps. So why did I just do that?

She wakes up every morning to the same sights and the same pain. It’s those images, the black-out curtains, lack of a working ceiling light, and the hideous antique lampshade, working in tandem, that break her heart a little more every day..

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Lying next to nothing but extra pillows and a bedside table, you realize how truly expansive a queen sized bed can be. Reaching as far as the former planet Pluto, it is just as cold when you are lying in that galaxy of a bed alone. It stretches so far that when you look out … Continue reading She wakes up every morning to the same sights and the same pain. It’s those images, the black-out curtains, lack of a working ceiling light, and the hideous antique lampshade, working in tandem, that break her heart a little more every day..

The majority of my hope lies with other people, but I am learning to save a least a sliver for myself.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 2 Comments

I haven’t lived this life only to borrow other people’s things; their smiles and handshakes and promises. I’m building myself back up, or maybe up for the first time, or maybe I’m not building anything and I’m just determined not to fall any further. A lack of visible progress is discouraging, but footprints made on … Continue reading The majority of my hope lies with other people, but I am learning to save a least a sliver for myself.

My feelings are still a mess of regrets and promises I made to myself on my lowest days…but they are the only promises I have left.

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“It was through your eyes that I was able to find out what this world really is. It was so big..to big for you...to cruel and cunning, to quick and papery, to soiled and full of sell outs...it was all to much of everything, but it was the same for me. It was the same … Continue reading My feelings are still a mess of regrets and promises I made to myself on my lowest days…but they are the only promises I have left.

I know what fear tastes like, how it sinks into your soul and creates…dark, so much darkness that everything is a shadow or unlit alley, and I can’t even run because I have no idea if I’m running away from the danger or getting closer to it.

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Red wine is what comes to mind When I think of how you poison me. It’s slow, delicate and good in small doses But I’m overwhelmed and drowning in your sea.   You are bitter to some, smooth to others It just depends on who you ask To me, you are nothing more than an … Continue reading I know what fear tastes like, how it sinks into your soul and creates…dark, so much darkness that everything is a shadow or unlit alley, and I can’t even run because I have no idea if I’m running away from the danger or getting closer to it.

I think most people know this about me already, but I’m really, REALLY not good at this whole “living” thing.

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It wasn’t an active process, just background noise, the gears turning and keeping me moving forward. One step, 2 steps, a stumble over a crack in this ancient cement driveway, a crack I’ve known since I was 5 years old, a crack I’ve avoided a 1000 times during games of tag, basketball, hopscotch. A crack … Continue reading I think most people know this about me already, but I’m really, REALLY not good at this whole “living” thing.

It’s embarrassing to have to turn down every potential swimming adventure because you don’t want to ruin the fun when they see all those scars, those mistakes you obviously haven’t learned a damn thing from..

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

I’ve buried myself in the Baltic, burned into my skin this rough salt water. My shipyards left barren, the lighthouse now a beacon for shadows and shame. No bravery lives here. My dreams were left behind, so nothing but my terror remains, feeding off the eerie winds that sound during all seasons. These waves carry … Continue reading It’s embarrassing to have to turn down every potential swimming adventure because you don’t want to ruin the fun when they see all those scars, those mistakes you obviously haven’t learned a damn thing from..