Coiled around every kiss is the taste of a temporary love. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but we’ve all forced ourselves to stomach worse things than this, in the name of desire. Nobody enjoys a burning esophagus, nor the rancid taste of stomach acid that accompanies every exhale. A goodnight kiss has been replaced with a shot of sour breath breaking across the face of a stranger. Going to bed alone would be the smart thing to do, so of course you drag a warm body up and under the cover of your sheets, because under those covers you can almost convince yourself that warmth is coming from a place of genuine care. But that lie falls down, down, down into the cavern that used to be your sense of empathy, and it keeps falling until the air is filled with the echo of shattered porcelain, and you begin to realize how empty you’ve become in your search for another love.
Someday you’ll come to understand how I feel. You’ll wake up, and before you even get the chance to roll out of bed, an intense self-loathing will be simmering right beneath your skin. You won’t be able to make sense of it, and with every passing second the pressure of being alive will grind your ribs into chalk, leaving your heart entirely exposed. Nothing that you are experiencing will make any sort of sense. The stale apartment air will have raked away at your arms, leaving them as withered husks, floating as useless air, unable to hold on to even the lightest trace of hope. A guilt will begin to gnaw away at stomach lining, and your hands will prove even more useless as you fail to hold back the flood of doubt, fear and rage that comes roaring through those new holes in your humanity. With everything that you once called your own breaking rank in a mad dash to get out, the unavoidable emptiness of being alone will begin to sink in, and if it wasn’t for the fact that your autonomic nervous system was a thing, you would have given up swallowing air, as every mouthful is just another tablespoon of bubble gum flavored cough syrup; another poor attempt at drowning out the pain of living without love.
Now I remember your face
The name you remind me of, so fake
This bitter pill, just a bit overkill
But theater has its place’s
We have come to a fork in the middle of this road
Damnit, who put this here?
Blocking my way, making it harder to say
What I need to
Well if I weren’t drunk, I could walk in a straight line.
But if I weren’t drunk, would I have the courage to dance?
So I’ll take another shot,
Some cold, liquid courage,
Injecting some iron
Into my spine
O, but it’s irony at its best
When you say, “I meant it!”
You meant it, you meant it!
O, how you lie
So you’re exposed, losing composure
Gaining a gloomy expression
What was that for, why so down?
You never could answer my questions
Seemingly unbreakable, I’m fragile
Your outer shell still intangible
The clock is broken, but I know the time;
I’m learning to not take the gamble.
Well if I weren’t high, all of the time, I would be pretty damn successful
But even on this high, I can tell that it’s time, and so I am walking away
Your face is beautiful, it’s true.
Physically flawless, a wonderful view.
But there’s nothing underneath;
You’re an empty physique.
And it’s time I said goodbye to you.
I don’t know how you feel about me;
You never say what’s on your mind.
One day your all smiles and roses
And the next you treat me like a waste of time.
You loved me in the morning
But by Noon, you were nowhere to be found
And I’m sure before I go to bed
You’ll be there when I lay down
It’s never easy, you and me,
Because I love you wholeheartedly
And to you am just some body
To keep you warm…
Her scent is reminiscent
Of warm autumn draft,
And as her late October
Finds purchase under dead bark,
Every leaf left to me
Can do nothing else
But shrivel up into kindling
And obediently burn.
I waited for you in April, but as the rain came and went, you never revealed yourself to me. I stayed there, and I’m still here, unable to rise up and enjoy the summer sun. And as this autumn fades into blinding snow, you are often the only thing on my mind. I’m still waiting for you, but each new breath saps all the warmth from my bones, and it’s only here, where my time is frozen, that the truth finally sinks in; I may never get to see you again…
~I wanted to see you blossom, but I never gave you the things plants need, like water or sunlight or…I never nurtured you, I just assumed nature would take care of that. Humans aren’t plants though, and we need silly things like words of encouragement and ice cream trucks and hugs that you wish would never end…because the end is a real thing, for everything, and that hurts…it hurts so damn much…~
Her breath circles on my tongue
Before falling into my blood,
And the chemistry is the same
As alcohol to flame.
She is bound to burn me down
To nothing more than desires
That I am ill equipped to resist…