It feels like I am leaving my body behind for something much, much smaller. I'm not a shell waiting to be cracked, but nevertheless. I have to bust open. I have to break out. Well, more like break down. Tear down. Rip down. I have to rip it down, every last trace of the creature … Continue reading Every scar has a story, especially the ones that keep finding new friends.
Slightly, as if by pure coincidence, This door on her right creaks open Filtering stale light, pale dust, From a lifetime set in mellow tones; Dimming lamp shades that still reflect Mistakes she wears upon her sleeve. Her selfish thought today? “I wish these scars would just fade away...” Is freedom being able to … Continue reading The rain against her window echoed through this hollow room with every drop, loud enough and long enough to drive away rational thought. If he was ever going to do it, tonight would be the night to tell you, my darling, sweet dreams.
I listened to their words and let them slowly poison me. Their mouths drip with the sweet allure of brilliant gold used to hide beneath it a torrent of unmitigated disaster. They take from your flesh, tearing away your Auburn days and leaving behind those cyanide times. Silly child, begging to be unraveled but not … Continue reading I wasn’t afraid to fall, so my head never left the clouds, and you never gave me a proper warning, and my wings melted away, and I believed you when you said you’d carry me, and I kept on smiling, even as my body hit the ground.
Take nothing for granted and keep your eyes focused on the future, so things like student loan debt and a terrible job market won’t swallow you whole. The thing is I don’t have it that bad. I have a pretty stable job, with plenty of potential for growth (which means more money). I am paying … Continue reading I tick away the time, peeling back the skin on my fingers, bleeding all over the pages of this brand new journal. I have a mechanical pencil with an abundance of .07 lead, but I still chose to write my story in red?
My sleep isn’t so much a lack thereof, but a world of nightmares that makes nothing feel like real rest. Every wall is a mirror, and my whole body is covered in bright red scars, and everyone I’ve ever known is watching me and walking by and offering help, offering hands and tissue paper and … Continue reading I’ve grown accustomed to my own lack of patience, pushing aside the reality of my short temper by hiding behind a mountain of excuses, like my insufficient sleep schedule or my diet of razor blades and a nightly bottle of pills. But let’s break that down to it’s pieces, shall we?
I want to live in a place where my heart feels...weightless. I want to know the type of hug that feels warm, like summer air against your skin. I want to find myself lost in thoughts of fireworks and pancake breakfasts, snowball fights in January and chocolate filled Halloweens. I want to look forward to … Continue reading On clear nights I stare at the sky and make a wish to those billion year old lights, and it’s the same wish every single time.
I’ve been here before; That point where my wrist twists at the touch of pen to paper. My body yearns for a release into words, For that is the only time I’ve ever felt..whole. Yet, once before, this very same stutter did occur. I was falling, drowning, every other analogy for dead on my feet. … Continue reading If I was never aiming to accomplish anything, then by definition I couldn’t fail, right? I guess logic isn’t one of my strong suits.
Depression sinks into your very soul, and you stop knowing how to love yourself; the thought just isn’t fucking there, and to even hear it, write it, be surrounded by the constant reminders of "Love yourself" does nothing when you feel as if you need that self love to EARN the love of others. People … Continue reading What depression feels like, at least in my experience.
I stopped listening to the words on this page, so I can’t really tell when they started to betray me. A lifetime lost in pages, it’s insane to look back and not recognize the person that wrote all of those lines. It’s such a drawn out fall, so gradual a slope that nobody would ever … Continue reading The words and opinions of others mean much more to me than my own. It’s why I write and write and write; so I can read about the kind of person I’m growing into.
That little light from your lampshade 