Posted in My life - Written by God, produced by 21st Century middle America, and lived by me, myself, and I., Uncategorized

Rational thought is not my forte

Sour breath streaks across this silent window pane, and the irony of sunny birthdays is not lost on me as I soak in the solitude of my un-diagnosed depression. I will the air to lapse me into a never ending daydream, as consciousness is a state of mind I find to be distracting. I can feel my throat shrink every time a pill is placed on my tongue, and my mind can keep a very accurate count, even after I’ve used up all my fingers and toes. The last time I managed to fall asleep was the day before yesterday, and before that I’m not sure I’ve ever slept at all. Surely this body must come to find rest at some point, but perhaps I am more machine than man. That would explain why I am parts and pieces, given and taken away, until the only thing left are the bones meant for junkyard dogs. I can’t find my own flow, so I sit and watch the Moon, pretending I’m another body of water being moved by a light I’ll never touch. The portion of my brain still capable of rational thought tells me the Moon has no light, it just reflects the Sun. But that’s even more perfect! To be jealous of the fake, just going along with things because that’s what’s expected! That’s exactly the type of counter-intuitive creature I have become; my acceptance of this reality undercutting everything I have ever been to the point where I can’t be sure of what I ever was…


I believe all people are bits and pieces, and throughout life we can gather pieces from others or give some of ours away. Some people are only out to take everything they can, while others will give until they have nothing left, but most of us fall in between. And yet there are those people who will defy all logic and simply toss there pieces into the trash, for nobody and nothing at all. I don't know if it's possible to get back those pieces that have been thrown away, but this blog is all about my journey, to try and find out if someone who threw away everything for nothing can find something, or anything at all...I'm just looking for a reason to keep on living.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s