Sleeping in is a luxury far removed from my reality. My bed still calls to me every morning, giving the utmost effort to hold me down. But this isn’t an act of kinship with my sheets, rather my sheets are hellbent on smothering me into nothingness. I’m laying facedown, surrounded in a sea of tumbling … Continue reading “I know I’m fucked up, because I’d rather suffer in your shadow than try and make it in this world without you…”
You'll find me in Belgium, on the coast of the North Sea. I'll be swaying on the current, the salty spray of the tide running me towards the Strait of Dover. It bears my essence as it crashes, a crushing cerulean weight to turn rock into sand and sailors dreams into restless sleep. And somewhere … Continue reading “My thoughts are a ship, and I’m no sailor. But the prospect of sinking to the bottom of the sea…it doesn’t sound entirely terrible at the moment.”
“People can break into pieces, and every single one of those pieces still has enough of us to feel, enough of us to love, enough of us to break again...We may only have 1 life to live, but in that life, a person can die more than once.” I tried to wash this all away … Continue reading It’s not Hell on Earth, it’s just Hell.
This blog has meant the world to me. I’ve only been doing this for a few months, and it’s not very big, but just having a place to let my thoughts leak out, without having to hold back, is keeping me alive. I started a new job on Monday, because I had a mental breakdown … Continue reading WordPress saved my life
“You say that it hurts to be alone, but you are the one pushing aside your phone when it lights up, ignoring every invite from friends and family to go out or come over. You aren’t making an effort, so can you really say that being alone hurts?” ~It’s not being alone that hurts. I … Continue reading I promised you shelter, but I just realized my heart is full of holes. So maybe I was just using you to plug them up, to make me feel whole…
It’s so warm here, lying next to her. We are only holding hands, but that is enough to feel her everything. When we are this close I just want her to talk, talk about anything under the Sun and beyond. She’s close enough that the words come out in a whisper, and I feel like … Continue reading It’s the same dream every night. No matter what I try, my mind can only slip back into one train of thought, down the only path I can’t follow…
I had a dream last night, and you were in it. I was talking to you, just like we are talking right now. And I said some things. Not important things. Every day, hey how ya doin type things. I said those things, and then you were gone. I said those things without really saying … Continue reading When I was a kid I hated going to bed; it felt like if I was sleeping I was missing out on life. 20 some years later? I’m fighting my way towards never having to wake up again.
Two a.m. on this desolate street corner. A blinking yellow street light above the wet corners of the road, suspended their like some kind of evening sun. The power lines still covered in powdered snow, slowly falling onto gravel and dirt under a pale wind. Every star that can be seen within a city can … Continue reading She flickers through my head, the loudest voice in my ears, promising this choice is the only choice left to me.
I listened to their words and let them slowly poison me. Their mouths drip with the sweet allure of brilliant gold used to hide beneath it a torrent of unmitigated disaster. They take from your flesh, tearing away your Auburn days and leaving behind those cyanide times. Silly child, begging to be unraveled but not … Continue reading I wasn’t afraid to fall, so my head never left the clouds, and you never gave me a proper warning, and my wings melted away, and I believed you when you said you’d carry me, and I kept on smiling, even as my body hit the ground.
My sleep isn’t so much a lack thereof, but a world of nightmares that makes nothing feel like real rest. Every wall is a mirror, and my whole body is covered in bright red scars, and everyone I’ve ever known is watching me and walking by and offering help, offering hands and tissue paper and … Continue reading I’ve grown accustomed to my own lack of patience, pushing aside the reality of my short temper by hiding behind a mountain of excuses, like my insufficient sleep schedule or my diet of razor blades and a nightly bottle of pills. But let’s break that down to it’s pieces, shall we?