Tag: suicide

I often wonder what these words would feel like now, rolling around in my gut, but I’m pretty sure I keep this bottle open so I’ll never have to find out.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

The words rise from the walls of my lungs in a rush of warm breath. I can feel them, every syllable, every tiny edge they have etched into this heart. They brush up against my teeth, and my tongue feels awkward in my mouth. I don’t want to stutter, but these sounds have no patience, … Continue reading I often wonder what these words would feel like now, rolling around in my gut, but I’m pretty sure I keep this bottle open so I’ll never have to find out.

I promised you shelter, but I just realized my heart is full of holes. So maybe I was just using you to plug them up, to make me feel whole…

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

“You say that it hurts to be alone, but you are the one pushing aside your phone when it lights up, ignoring every invite from friends and family to go out or come over. You aren’t making an effort, so can you really say that being alone hurts?” ~It’s not being alone that hurts. I … Continue reading I promised you shelter, but I just realized my heart is full of holes. So maybe I was just using you to plug them up, to make me feel whole…

3AM is not the best time to write, but I’m out of pills and things to distract me. I’m letting the sound of my keyboard keep me company while I wait for everything to finally end.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 2 Comments

I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I hate my stupid hair and how I play with it so much, as if I could ever get it to look good, when I’m such an ugly monster. I hate my stupid laugh, because it’s loud and comes at the worst of times because I have … Continue reading 3AM is not the best time to write, but I’m out of pills and things to distract me. I’m letting the sound of my keyboard keep me company while I wait for everything to finally end.

“I gave you a world of words, not leaving myself a single letter. So now I am speechless, and you’re just drowning in alphabet soup.”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

I wanted to take my time with each word I wrote for you. I wanted to be as deliberate as possible, so everything had to have the perfect amount of weight. When you would read my letter you’d be able to hear my voice, like I was lying right there beside you, You’d have no … Continue reading “I gave you a world of words, not leaving myself a single letter. So now I am speechless, and you’re just drowning in alphabet soup.”

My body is ash, saturated gray, invisible on cloudy days, and blown apart with a single puff of wind.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

Now, right now, I cannot focus my eyes. They water in the bright light, damaged by any image aside from the pitch black. My feet are cold under my white and gray socks. I am shaking. I feel sick. I want to run, far away, but find myself captured in a million different social situations. Talking; I … Continue reading My body is ash, saturated gray, invisible on cloudy days, and blown apart with a single puff of wind.

It’s the same dream every night. No matter what I try, my mind can only slip back into one train of thought, down the only path I can’t follow…

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 3 Comments

It’s so warm here, lying next to her. We are only holding hands, but that is enough to feel her everything. When we are this close I just want her to talk, talk about anything under the Sun and beyond. She’s close enough that the words come out in a whisper, and I feel like … Continue reading It’s the same dream every night. No matter what I try, my mind can only slip back into one train of thought, down the only path I can’t follow…

You can tell all the lies you want, pretend it never happened and try to live a normal life, but in the end you lost something you can’t replace nor get back, so sometimes okay isn’t an option.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 3 Comments

Every step seems like the last one my body will allow me to take, even though my door can’t be more than a few feet from the furthest point of this cramped apartment. From end to end it’s a simple box with walls to create more boxes, and all of them are small and have … Continue reading You can tell all the lies you want, pretend it never happened and try to live a normal life, but in the end you lost something you can’t replace nor get back, so sometimes okay isn’t an option.

Walking through life I feel fake. I smile and think I’m faking it. Maybe I am, but probably not, and it doesn’t even matter anymore.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

There are times when we feel as if we can really understand ourselves, far past the point of contradictions and the strong belief that we have a limited sense of self, constricting a personality, now limited to a certain sense of reality; imagination now a poor joke, a small laugh in the corner of society. … Continue reading Walking through life I feel fake. I smile and think I’m faking it. Maybe I am, but probably not, and it doesn’t even matter anymore.