3AM is not the best time to write, but I’m out of pills and things to distract me. I’m letting the sound of my keyboard keep me company while I wait for everything to finally end.

I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I hate my stupid hair and how I play with it so much, as if I could ever get it to look good, when I’m such an ugly monster. I hate my stupid laugh, because it’s loud and comes at the worst of times because I have … Continue reading 3AM is not the best time to write, but I’m out of pills and things to distract me. I’m letting the sound of my keyboard keep me company while I wait for everything to finally end.

“I gave you a world of words, not leaving myself a single letter. So now I am speechless, and you’re just drowning in alphabet soup.”

I wanted to take my time with each word I wrote for you. I wanted to be as deliberate as possible, so everything had to have the perfect amount of weight. When you would read my letter you’d be able to hear my voice, like I was lying right there beside you, You’d have no … Continue reading “I gave you a world of words, not leaving myself a single letter. So now I am speechless, and you’re just drowning in alphabet soup.”

He took the time between typing shaky lines to peak outside that office window, and wouldn’t you know, it was just wind and snow, but that white somehow felt like a clean slate.

Some people bruise really easily. My Mom is like that; she once just slipped walking up the stairs and her entire forearm was a mess of purple and red. I remember because I was about 9, and seeing that freaked me out. I was crying and screaming and running the the phone, ready to dial … Continue reading He took the time between typing shaky lines to peak outside that office window, and wouldn’t you know, it was just wind and snow, but that white somehow felt like a clean slate.

It’s easy to see it in hindsight, but in the moment everything feels so rushed; it’s impossible to tell up from down, or wrong from right..or living from dying..

But I love him...That was always my excuse at the end of every day that summer. Those nights spent awake wishing to be anything but real, the face of a harsh reality was revealed, and every special moment broken. You felt special because he was yours? People are not possessions. When you do that, you … Continue reading It’s easy to see it in hindsight, but in the moment everything feels so rushed; it’s impossible to tell up from down, or wrong from right..or living from dying..

I know the right steps to take, and spending a week in the hospital because I downed to many prescription pills is not one of those steps. So why did I just do that?

Why would things have to turn out like this, huh? Can anyone give me an answer that would calm me down, turn my radical sense of self-loathing into a more calm, rational sense of mild self-hatred? I am aware; I am a creature of habit. I fall into the holes of life not because of … Continue reading I know the right steps to take, and spending a week in the hospital because I downed to many prescription pills is not one of those steps. So why did I just do that?

She wakes up every morning to the same sights and the same pain. It’s those images, the black-out curtains, lack of a working ceiling light, and the hideous antique lampshade, working in tandem, that break her heart a little more every day..

Lying next to nothing but extra pillows and a bedside table, you realize how truly expansive a queen sized bed can be. Reaching as far as the former planet Pluto, it is just as cold when you are lying in that galaxy of a bed alone. It stretches so far that when you look out … Continue reading She wakes up every morning to the same sights and the same pain. It’s those images, the black-out curtains, lack of a working ceiling light, and the hideous antique lampshade, working in tandem, that break her heart a little more every day..

I left my life of black and white to feel the brightest red. But time cools hearts, leaving it in parts, and I’m left with this blue instead.

We used to talk every night; you never let me fall asleep. A certain wonder enticing my eyes to refrain from closing in your company. I would instead stray as the rolling thunder, masquerade as your thin visage reflected. I wore you, yet what is it that you colored me?   When we started this … Continue reading I left my life of black and white to feel the brightest red. But time cools hearts, leaving it in parts, and I’m left with this blue instead.

It’s not that I dislike silence, but sometimes I wish I still had the strength left to scream.

Sound is so light, breathing like a morning cast in fog Hold your breath now and wait for the fall All along the sweet castaway, sweet darling of mine Watched ever so quiet in the back of my mind   Sound is so soft, breathing like a mouse in the walls Hold your breath now … Continue reading It’s not that I dislike silence, but sometimes I wish I still had the strength left to scream.

Every scar has a story, especially the ones that keep finding new friends.

It feels like I am leaving my body behind for something much, much smaller. I'm not a shell waiting to be cracked, but nevertheless. I have to bust open. I have to break out. Well, more like break down. Tear down. Rip down. I have to rip it down, every last trace of the creature … Continue reading Every scar has a story, especially the ones that keep finding new friends.

The rain against her window echoed through this hollow room with every drop, loud enough and long enough to drive away rational thought. If he was ever going to do it, tonight would be the night to tell you, my darling, sweet dreams.

Slightly, as if by pure coincidence, This door on her right creaks open Filtering stale light, pale dust, From a lifetime set in mellow tones; Dimming lamp shades that still reflect Mistakes she wears upon her sleeve. Her selfish thought today? “I wish these scars would just fade away...”   Is freedom being able to … Continue reading The rain against her window echoed through this hollow room with every drop, loud enough and long enough to drive away rational thought. If he was ever going to do it, tonight would be the night to tell you, my darling, sweet dreams.