I’m tired, but that means something different to me now. Before I just felt tired because I was working myself to death, skipping sleep to put in 100 hour work weeks. I didn’t work for the money, I just needed something to keep my mind preoccupied so it wouldn’t wander onto another train of thought … Continue reading I’m willing to admit I don’t want to die, but the thought of starting over ties my stomach up in knots.
I can’t resist the urge to break. It’s almost like a need, a physical itch that demands I scratch it with a freshly sharpened pocket knife. I hate this feeling. I am filled up with things and stuff instead of love and warmth, and it hurts. I want to cry. Every day I want to … Continue reading “I’m failing. Everything that I am; body, mind, spirit, and all the other shit in between, I am a failure.”
I think it started back when I entered High School, and I would spend entire nights just staring at my arms, wishing there was some sort of magical lotion or bandage that could erase all these obviously self-inflicted cuts. I would be so ashamed, I would write myself an angry letter, boldly declaring I would … Continue reading I expected him to change, because he said he would change, and I am in the habit of believing bad people when they tell me they’ll do something.
I pluck away at my feathers And scatter them to sandy riverbanks. Some find a home in stray branches While others fall only to drown. My hope is that you will see me Before both of my wings are gone. I’m giving up my open skies To walk the same Earth as you. But … Continue reading Her shadows are shorter now, seemingly eaten up by the clouds. I know she’s still here on the ground, but the more I search, the more it feels like she doesn’t want to be found.
Did her fire inspire you to change? Did her words make an impact, Driving you towards that cliff, Closer and closer to the edge, Beckoning you to trust that she Would be the wings you longed for? You wished for daring adventure, That breathless sensation Of fear mixed with desire, That chemical reaction People … Continue reading I have my own wings, but still relied on you to carry me. Even when it’s all handed to me on a silver platter, I’ll find a way to fail.”
I love the smell of water in the air. It’s so fresh, and it makes the air feel soft as I take a deep breath. That scent adds some sort of fluffy tail to the lasts wisps as they trickle in, tickling the back of my throat, making my lips curl towards the sky. It’s … Continue reading Every day is a cloudy day when you can’t even be bothered to open your blinds.
I don’t like dancing. I have nothing against dancing as a means of self-expression, only that I don’t like expressing myself through dance. I never wanted to go to any school dances, but I had a girlfriend who wanted to go, and I wanted to fit in, and so I found myself at a number … Continue reading “You remind me of apples during lunchtime, afternoons spent outside, and better days…you made those days the best days.”
I truly hate how people use the term chaos to define things, anything at all. Chaos is wild and unfocused, being family to disaster in general. “Real love is always chaotic.” No, just...no. Not even remotely close to being an accurate statement. I see love as being fairly subjective, different for every person. Even so, … Continue reading “Real love is always chaotic….The greater the love, the greater the chaos. It’s a given and that’s the secret.” – Jonathan Carroll
I have a lot of things I wish I had said, but even more things I wish I hadn’t. I’m stuck in this strange realm between biting my tongue and using it to flick poison in your general direction. I’m caught in the middle, and I keep settling things with a coin flip, leaving it … Continue reading “I craved a home for my heart, and in my rush to find it, I ignored the tiny pieces I was leaving behind with every step I took.”
I want fortune to listen As I struggle with my speech, To flinch as the words reveal Scar after scar. My words resonate regret, And as all moisture Evaporates in my throat, Every note is coated In varying shades Of a screeching rust.