I can’t cry anymore. I used to cry driving home every day. I used to cry in the shower, and when I laid down for bed. I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb my mind, so I wouldn’t have a free thought left to drift towards my unpleasant past, or at least the unpleasant … Continue reading “I am empty, but oddly enough, this emptiness feels heavy…it feels so damn heavy.”
I am October’s colors, my skin the reflection of bruised peaches and burnt honey. I stick to all things green, suckling away at their breast, until only a shriveled husk remains, clinging onto skeleton branches, begging the wind to let them be. My winds are not so kind as to carry any calls for help, … Continue reading “I am October, Ohio.”
Walking around the corner, I looked up, searching for the sky. The buildings blocked any shine from the Sun, and all I could think was “what a boring view.” An endless universe exists up there, and I can only see a fraction of a fraction in the best situations, and here I am, living in … Continue reading “Everyone is a someone, and while you don’t know who you are right this second, it’s still a fact that you will always be you.”
There was nothing I could have done.. ~Do you really believe that? That there was nothing you could have done, nothing at all?~ I just wanted to be loved, to feel what love was supposed to be, that forever and always type of love that grows stronger each day, bringing smiles and family and so … Continue reading “Something is only considered trash because someone comes along and labels it as trash. So when I say I’m trash, it’s not that I’m inherently nothing, but after 20 some years of experiences, I can’t define myself as anything but trash.”
It’s nothing more than simple math; if you add 0 to anything, it doesn’t do a damn thing. I used to think I was a 0, that I was just nothingness floating through space, not contributing anything of value, but also not taking anything away. Over time I started to feel that I couldn’t be … Continue reading “In the end, it ends how it began; you weren’t there, and you aren’t here, and I’m sure I’d be fine, if you just stayed..”
Whenever I’m alone, the darkness starts to set in, and I devolve into a mass of guilt and cruelty. I recognize my own sins for what they are; conscience decisions made in the face of a two-faced God. All of the good I’ve accomplished in this world is credited to my creator, while any evil … Continue reading “You walk around in the shadow of your sins, looking for an Ocean to drown out the last dredges of your humanity.”
So, what now? I’m at a tipping point, and I don’t want to spend another year, another summer, another second, wasting away. I want to be done dreaming. I want to see my world for what it is, and not what my pride twists it into. I know I’m not worth anything, yet my greedy … Continue reading “I don’t want to start over…only to end up a broken mess. I can’t imagine what happiness looks like, I can only imagine an ending where I’ve failed again..”
I was so caught up in the rush, I didn’t bother to think about it at all. I wanted to ride this wave, to live in the fast lane, to never lose the wind blowing through my hair. I wanted it all so badly...that I never noticed. Well, more like I refused to acknowledge the … Continue reading August has arrived, and with it a more relaxed mood for my self reflections.
It’s 85 degrees outside, and the air in this old office isn’t what you’d call “top notch”, so my shirt is sticking to my chair, and my shirt sleeve is stained with forehead sweat. I walked in, sat down, and the heat made me sick within minutes. I’ve been up to empty my guts 3 … Continue reading I don’t know why I bother.
They say the sky wasn’t always gray; There used to be a white light, A star close enough to touch, But we wasted it’s warmth. We let that fire burn the air, Tinge our shoulders bronze, Feed our flower petals And guide us towards tomorrow. It shared everything, expecting nothing. So what did … Continue reading “The scales are tipped in my favor, but I’m too afraid to make a bet…27 years, and I’m still unable to bet on me…”
That little light from your lampshade 