Another rainy day, another chance to wash away the filth sticking to my skin from weeks without caring about who I am becoming. It’s a fall in slow motion, a subtle slip that turns into a never ending slideshow of evenings spent worshipping the bottom of a bottle, any bottle I can find. But it’s … Continue reading “I only have a clear mind at 3AM, when the worlds asleep, and as I’m waiting on those pills to take me away, the last rational thoughts in my brain just leave me wondering what I’m still doing here.”
Counting the years through Summers alone, But I can’t take back those Winter’s of yours Those icy, blue days, I’m begging to change, Cause I know I’ll never call you home again. What am I after? What do I need? What will help to set me free? My memories linger, through bottles and rage And … Continue reading I have waited long enough, so please let me come home. Let me feel that warm embrace and call me to the pyre.
I think my subconscious is trying to force my throat shut so I can’t keep downing these pills like fucking skittles. Haha, jokes on me, I’ve spent my entire life forcing bullshit out of my mouth, so forcing some more shit back down? It’s easy as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, … Continue reading It’s never as bad as I think it is, until I realize every bottle in my cabinet is empty, and all I can do is wait and see if I’m going to wake up and find tomorrow, or never wake up again.
You stole from me soft kisses my lips cannot erase, Even as the winter leaves them cracked and withered And dry as my throat that still feels freshly ripped in two From the screams that will never cease to come... You stole from me that safety, that feeling I held so dear, To be able … Continue reading What you stole from me.
My heart remains silent, fearful of the shadows I’ve swallowed in my attempts to quell my hollow soul. With every beat, that darkness is pulled closer, and I’m left hoping this bottle of pills will be enough to keep the demons at bay, or else I’ll need to wash them all away in a rush … Continue reading I’ll chalk this latest mistake up to another bad decision made in poor lighting. I’m just happy it happened in Winter, so I have a ready-made excuse to always be wearing long sleeved shirts.
Time slips through my outstretched hand, and I try to grasp at its tail, but those lines are just wisps of smoke, and they roll over my fingers, kissing my knuckles, tickling the scars on my wrists, spiraling up and around my neck, filling my ears with the sound of my own beating heart as … Continue reading The only comfort I can give myself is the reassurance that a monster like me is better off alone
Depression sinks into your very soul, and you stop knowing how to love yourself; the thought just isn’t fucking there, and to even hear it, write it, be surrounded by the constant reminders of "Love yourself" does nothing when you feel as if you need that self love to EARN the love of others. People … Continue reading World Mental Health Awareness Day: What Depression feels like (for me).
Another day, another bottle’s contents swirling in my stomach, melting away the anxiety and replacing it with a physical sensation akin to choking. Or perhaps my throat is actually swollen shut? My lungs might be filling up with cheap liquor and cigarette smoke, leaving no room for something as silly as a chemical reaction turning … Continue reading And I know I’d waste my last words on something stupid, like “I’m sorry,” or “I never stopped loving you.”
Now I remember your face The name you remind me of, so fake This bitter pill, just a bit overkill But theater has its place’s We have come to a fork in the middle of this road Damnit, who put this here? Blocking my way, making it harder to say What I need to Well … Continue reading Days turned to weeks, and now it’s been months; exactly 96 days I’ve been sober. But that’s left my mind with nothing but time to wonder about you and me…so I’m sober, but I’m suffocating, trying to accept a me without you…
I waited for you in April, but as the rain came and went, you never revealed yourself to me. I stayed there, and I’m still here, unable to rise up and enjoy the summer sun. And as this autumn fades into blinding snow, you are often the only thing on my mind. I’m still waiting … Continue reading Rainy days are my favorite days, because in the rain I can believe in things like a clean start or second chances.