My heart remains silent, fearful of the shadows I’ve swallowed in my attempts to quell my hollow soul. With every beat, that darkness is pulled closer, and I’m left hoping this bottle of pills will be enough to keep the demons at bay, or else I’ll need to wash them all away in a rush … Continue reading I'll chalk this latest mistake up to another bad decision made in poor lighting. I'm just happy it happened in Winter, so I have a ready-made excuse to always be wearing long sleeved shirts.
Time slips through my outstretched hand, and I try to grasp at its tail, but those lines are just wisps of smoke, and they roll over my fingers, kissing my knuckles, tickling the scars on my wrists, spiraling up and around my neck, filling my ears with the sound of my own beating heart as … Continue reading The only comfort I can give myself is the reassurance that a monster like me is better off alone
Depression sinks into your very soul, and you stop knowing how to love yourself; the thought just isn’t fucking there, and to even hear it, write it, be surrounded by the constant reminders of "Love yourself" does nothing when you feel as if you need that self love to EARN the love of others. People … Continue reading World Mental Health Awareness Day: What Depression feels like (for me).
Another day, another bottle’s contents swirling in my stomach, melting away the anxiety and replacing it with a physical sensation akin to choking. Or perhaps my throat is actually swollen shut? My lungs might be filling up with cheap liquor and cigarette smoke, leaving no room for something as silly as a chemical reaction turning … Continue reading And I know I’d waste my last words on something stupid, like “I’m sorry,” or “I never stopped loving you.”
Now I remember your face The name you remind me of, so fake This bitter pill, just a bit overkill But theater has its place’s We have come to a fork in the middle of this road Damnit, who put this here? Blocking my way, making it harder to say What I need to Well … Continue reading Days turned to weeks, and now it’s been months; exactly 96 days I’ve been sober. But that’s left my mind with nothing but time to wonder about you and me…so I’m sober, but I’m suffocating, trying to accept a me without you…
I waited for you in April, but as the rain came and went, you never revealed yourself to me. I stayed there, and I’m still here, unable to rise up and enjoy the summer sun. And as this autumn fades into blinding snow, you are often the only thing on my mind. I’m still waiting … Continue reading Rainy days are my favorite days, because in the rain I can believe in things like a clean start or second chances.
He creeps into your mind At the most inopportune times, Stealing away precious brain cells And holding in the CO2 That you’ve built up in your veins. Whatever warmth you had Seeps out through your open chest, Replacing the justified anger With docile tones And heavy shakes. You feel leaks, tiny pin pricks, Along all … Continue reading “Etch these words into my skin so I may never forget; I steal my light as a paper moon, only glowing after sunset.”