Posted in My Daily Adventures, My life - Written by God, produced by 21st Century middle America, and lived by me, myself, and I., The Modern Classics, Uncategorized

The Daily Adventures of Taylor Finn! Day 4 – “Who says you can’t survive on only ramen and vanilla coke?”

8/24/2018 – Today marks a major milestone in my life as a hermit; I’ve managed to survive 3 solid months without setting foot inside a store/restaurant. Between ordering all my dry/canned goods through Amazon (I abuse my Prime membership) and using only drive-thru windows for my fast food addiction, I’ve avoided having to stand in front of another human and speak/interact with them. Now, this hasn’t been a completely anti-social affair, not at all. I’d like to think those drive-thru workers love me, since I speak so calm and clearly. I know my local Pizza Hut is a huge fan of my ordering prowess. I always call fully prepared with my order, and I order often enough for most of their staff to recognize my voice. The delivery drivers enjoy my habit of majorly over-tipping (I worked in enough restaurants to feel guilty if I don’t leave an amazing tip) and they tell me I am the nicest customer they have. I’d like to believe they are telling the truth, because I put a ton of effort into sounding nice when ordering food. I know I’m just a stranger to these people, but I like to have a big smile, and say please and thank you, and try to get them to smile back. I feel like I can do this from the comfort of my car, and I know I can do this over the phone, and I somehow manage for the minute or two of interaction with my delivery driver. However, I cannot handle any more face to face interaction then that, so things like banter with the wait staff, or shooting the breeze with a cashier, are neigh impossible tasks.

All jokes aside, I want to make a greater effort to interact with people. I’m moving into my apartment tomorrow, and I should see it as a fresh start, a chance to be more outgoing, like I was back in college. It’s crazy to think just 5 years ago I was doing Improv shows and acting in plays, being on a big stage and acting like a fool in front of hundreds of people. Of course, it always felt easy doing those things because I was playing a part, living through a character I was portraying. I was always a shy, awkward human, I was just good at acting like I wasn’t. Maybe that’s what I need to do now, just find the character I want to be, study up on my lines and stage directions, and put on a show. It might not be me to begin with, but after some time, who knows? Maybe that’s how all confident people get by, just acting the part until the act becomes more than an act. It’s at least a starting point, which gives me something versus the nothing I’m currently working with.

I guess the only thing left to do is decide on what sort of character I want to play. Sauvé and sexy isn’t something I can pull off, no matter how much practice I put into rehearsal. I’m already seen as the nerdy one everywhere I go, so maybe I should play off that image? I could work on becoming the “cool nerd”, putting my encyclopedic knowledge of sports, pop music, and TV/Film to good use, while dialing back my expository habits when it comes to Anime, comics and Microsoft Excel. I can start to chime in during my co-workers talks about the upcoming NFL season, seeing as how I spend hours every night pouring over every bit of news from preseason games and training camps. I could offer my opinions on how the MLB playoffs will shake out, since I love baseball and have an intimate knowledge of every AL team (and also the Braves). I can sing along with any song played on any radio station, be it rap, rock, metal, pop or hip hop. Nobody knows my music tastes span all genres, most likely due to my insistence on listening to sad, depressing, beautiful tunes while working (Julien Baker, I love you so much).

The point is, I have a solid base to work with. I have interests that match up with people I see every day, I just have to learn how to join in the conversation. That’s been my problem for the past 5 years, so I’m sure I must be close to a real breakthrough.

Well, either a breakthrough, or another mental breakdown. I’ll just have to roll the dice and hope for the best.

Posted in My Daily Adventures, My life - Written by God, produced by 21st Century middle America, and lived by me, myself, and I., The Modern Classics, Uncategorized

The Daily Adventures of Taylor Finn, Day 1 – “Wow, I suck at dieting.”

8/21/18 – It was a rather poor start to my weight loss journey, pretty much the exact opposite of what I should be doing if my goal is anything other than “gain 300 pounds and die of a heart attack at age 30.” I woke up too late to cook myself breakfast, so I planned to settle for some Honey Nut Cheerios. Unfortunately, dry cereal tends to only be a legitimate option when one has some milk to soak those sugary oats in, and wouldn’t ya know it, I was fresh outta milk. This shouldn’t have been a surprise, as I ran out of milk Saturday afternoon, and it was now Monday morning, but after my shit weekend, groceries were the last thing on my mind. O, and for me a shit weekend is the norm, so it doesn’t mean anything particularly terrible occurred, just that I suffered through the same, pill induced haze I’ve grown accustomed to from Friday evening through the 10PM news on Sundays. And before you ask, no, I don’t watch the news at 10PM on Sundays, that’s just the general time I browse through the internet for headlines, to make sure I didn’t miss anything important. AND THAT REMINDS ME!! This weekend did mark my last weekend of living in my brother’s (very nice) basement! As of Thursday, I will be living on my own in an apartment within walking distance of my work! How exciting! If only my facial expressions matched my use of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, back to breakfast. Cooking was out, cereal was out, so I drove to work on an empty belly (it’s full of fat and stuff, but that’s not enough, obviously). Upon arrival, I found myself face to face with our decades old vending machine. Clutched in my sweaty palms were 6 quarters, just enough cash to purchase a cold can of Mountain Dew and some generic brand Cup Cakes. Back at my desk, I scarf the cupcakes down within a minute, and I chugged half the soda in the next. I felt the sugar rush through my chub, and the deep disappointment I associate with visiting my parents took over my being. For the next 4 hours, I typed away with a lethargy rivaling a hibernating bear, and by the time I left for lunch, I had managed to color-code my weekly cash forecasting spreadsheet to resemble a Christmas Tree, and nothing else.

I needed a boost of energy for lunch. Walking through the parking lot, I saw my fellow cube-mate taking laps around the building with her headphones on, blasting some sort of 80’s hair-metal. A walk would surely help pump me up, get my blood going, and wipe away some of the guilt of eating cupcakes for breakfast! It was the perfect lunch idea! And so, 53 minutes later, I walked back into the office, feeling like complete ass after eating a 10-piece nugget, large fry and coke from Mickey D’s. Yup, I’m clearly an individual with amazing decision making skills. At least the fast food was extra greasy, so in a few short hours I’ll be forced to skip my 3PM meeting to take an extra big/long/uncut shit. I’m a salaried employee, so I will get paid for that shit too. America is amazing.

I ended my day with a dinner of…carrot sticks! And…. pickles! Yes, my dinner was 3 sour dill pickles and 8 carrot sticks. It’s not exactly healthy, but carrots are good for you, right? And pickles…are a vegetable? Well, they are a low-calorie food, even though they are just wet, green cylinders of sodium. And I didn’t even have any soda with my dinner! (I had a 0 calorie Monster. Yes, that’s pretty much liquid cancer. No, it was not refreshing.)

All in all, I’d say the first day of my first day needs a new first day. But that’s the greatest part about a first day; you can always have another.