Posted in My Daily Adventures, My life - Written by God, produced by 21st Century middle America, and lived by me, myself, and I., The Modern Classics, Uncategorized

“With nothing to keep me grounded, all I can do is drift towards the Sun, waiting for gravity, or at least something like that.”

When gravity fails you don’t fall, instead you drift away into the sky as the heat from the sun increases to give you the world worst case of sunburn, and so you are left waiting as you drift, waiting on anything, something, to come save you. Now, replace gravity with love and the same rules apply. So I’m just waiting, with a sunburned back, on something to save me…

It starts out so simple, just a force of nature, just the gravity that keeps us all grounded; that was his love for her. Is it stupid to have love on par with such a basic force of nature? Well, take it up with God if you’re pissed about it, cause that’s just how things are.  

It ends, and so it turns bitter, and it all feels like it was for nothing, like you gave it your all while they…holy hell, why did you give them everything if they couldn’t give you a single damn thing, not even one word, you were worth one goddamn word, anything, something… it was all for something, right?

Well, they haven’t been here for awhile now, but that touch hasn’t quite faded yet; it haunts everything, every new meeting, every new experience is somehow still touched by her; she’s not there, but he still feels here memory, as fresh as a sunburn at the end of July, roasting every day throughout August to ruin a perfectly good life.

So is anything waiting for you now? Is someone waiting to save you, or is someone waiting for you on the other side? Is God waiting for you to ask for help, or waiting for you to give up? Waiting is just an excuse, like everything else, but it’s the only thing keeping you grounded – and so gravity was replaced with a tainted love that burned into a bitter something, a something so strong not even years could erase its touch, and so the burns never healed, and time stopped because you stopped it, all of it, and now you are waiting for your time to start again…

Posted in Music Mondays, My life - Written by God, produced by 21st Century middle America, and lived by me, myself, and I.

Music Mondays: Seafret

Are you a fan of Ed Sheeran? Or how about Passenger? Jamie Lawson? James Arthur? Well my friend, then you need to get yourself some Seafret in your life. If I had to describe Seafret’s music in a single word it would be this:

Hope.

It’s going to start off with a silent bang; an explosion you feel in the pit of your stomach, letting you know the fuse has been lit. By the end of a song I feel emotional drained, but it feels…great. Like somehow I was letting my worries, anxiety, and self-loathing out in their noise. The lyrics replace my words, and for brief stretches of time while Seafret plays in my ears I’m not worrying about tomorrow or yesterday. Instead I’m thinking about doing something, right here, right now. I want to make plans, fall in love, buy gifts for all of the friends I’ve been ignoring for months now and apologize until I’m blue in the face. Seafret gives me a chance to remember why I used to want things, and I feel like if I never turn them off I’ll be able to find myself, my old self, the one who never ran from a challenge, the one who always made people laugh, the one who still had dreams of being a writer, sharing poetry, short-stories, and romance novels with the world. Seafret gives me hope.

So go check them out, they rock, the roll, they steal the show but kindly return it once finished, giving it back to you in better shape prior to the theft. Also, they have some fun videos, the one in this post being one of my absolute favorites (I just want to be asked to participate in one of these sorts of things so I can find my true love, but I’m also afraid of eye contact with other humans, so this wouldn’t work anyway, but a human can dream!)

I hope Seafret becomes your next obsession, played on repeat during morning commutes until they sound as familiar as a favorite shirt. Enjoy.

Posted in My life - Written by God, produced by 21st Century middle America, and lived by me, myself, and I., Poetry

I’ve spent the past 4 years surrounded by nothing but noise, yet it’s still her silence that speaks to me the loudest.

She kisses with that glowing touch;

A muted, thin breach of confidence.

A kiss laced with smiles,

Wrinkled noses, a million words

Expressed in two lips

Meeting over an exchange of hearts.

The sort of kiss that fills you up,

Rushes blood throughout your body;

A kiss to replace the rhythm in your chest

That forever now skips a beat

With every glance she gives,

With every look you steal.


Now do you understand?

Love come to pass starts with a stolen heart,

And when the sun you share

Finally begins to dim

You are left as the moon; 

Stealing light as you try to become

A beacon in the sky once more.


Her kisses gently revealed

How much a fool has to lose.

Searching for answers now

Is stumbling through the dark,

Reaching out for hands to guide.

The problem with that is

Only those looking through the dark

Can now see as you try to shine,

Truly the blind leading the blind…

Posted in My life - Written by God, produced by 21st Century middle America, and lived by me, myself, and I., Poetry

If ever I find myself falling in love again, I hope it comes as one big wave; I’m tired of drowning slowly in sweet nothings.

She touches you with two hands,

And she cradles you in a lover’s whisper.

She outlines your face in her right;

Slow motions, etching into the tips of her fingers

The curves you never knew you had.

 
Her left makes its way toward your ear,

And the fire starts in your blushing cheeks,

Burning a red across every inch of skin

Her light walk leads her to.

 
Without a sense of purpose, nor known destination,

Still; her hands feel as familiar

As the glare from the Sun off windows ,

The scent of mornings in July, or else

The cold of snow that somehow warms

These bones during those terrible

Winter days of December Ohio.

 
Yes, she is that feeling

Of being lost out at Sea

And being home at the lighthouse

All rolled into those midnight touches,

Those kisses from fingertips

She has strung around my soul.

Posted in Uncategorized

Sunburn

Have you ever listened to a song that spoke to your soul? Ignoring the fact that you may be an individual who does not believe in the concept of the human soul, I’m sure even a person such as that has still been privy to the skin tingling, heart aching, mind numbing, and yes, spirit rubbing experience that is the perfect song at the perfect time. From the first lyric to that last ringing note, that song, that wonderful piece of art as sound through open air targeted specifically at the emotional strings we attach to our ears (which for the most part only catch negative words that turn ourselves against ourselves, but i++n this case work to catch that rare experience of one human fully understanding at least 1 piece of another). For me, that song came in the form of Ed Sheeran and his little dozy of a diddle, Sunburn. The guitar is simple, nah borderline basic, yet played so softly in the acoustic version, so wonderfully gentle that it immediately puts my inner critic to rest and again I am amazed by the brilliance of 4 chords as a melody. With a short introduction the song moves into Ed’s signature sexy voice, but it has this edge to it that makes you feel lonely with the first note.

“You’re not her…though I try to see you differently.”

Ah Ed, you terribly insightful monster you! Cutting a straight line through my jumbled mess of a brain you jump right to the conclusion in a sentence barely hitting a double digit word count! Please, continue to ravage my already open chest cavity with your words!

“I toe the line, you see I’m searching for what used to be..mine, O.

I saw your eyes, and I saw her staring back at me.

And I will try..to find another one who suited me as well as her.”

And thus I see what was already obvious, yet I still hold back as if trying to keep a dirty secret from the ever prying eyes of society; I’m searching for someone to love me the way they loved me. To be even more basic, it’s the rebound. Yes, we all like to act like the rebound won’t ever happen to us, that we would never date someone just for the feelings we miss from others, for a simple hand to hold or lips to kiss, but people are ugly in our need for something as beautiful as love, are we not?

“I’ve moved, far away

From you, and I want to

See you here, beside me dear

But things aren’t clear”

I left you, ran away from you, rented a Dodge Charger, drove that bitch till the gas ran out, got on a sled with a full 10 Husky sledding team, road those bitches (a more appropriate use of the term here) until running into the Alaskan never-ending summer skyline, and STILL, when I caught my breath taking in that shimmering sunlight, I found myself holding out a hand and feeling empty when no fingers slid their way into mine. I say my hand felt empty because even though I did look away from that nightless view, my eyes felt cloudy, like the grass outside my parents house around 6:49am on a mild September morning; not so much wet, with drops falling off one after another, but moist, with the feeling that somehow a sudden drop in temperature has occurred, a chill down my spine, causing dispersion of the H2O molecules and suspending them in my field of vision. I was not crying for your hand, but without that weight my eyes did make the rest of the world seem a whole lot less clear…    

“Where we never even tried

Never even talked

Never even thought in the long run.”

“Whenever it was painful,

Whenever I was away, I’d miss you

And I miss you.”

We lived in the moment, and so I know there was truly an “us”. That’s why it hurts so much to look back and realize that so many days have gone by without “us”. We never thought about the future, never talked about what could be, what was to be. In a moment everything is so much more beautiful, right? We were in such a beautiful moment..we never even thought about what comes with the next step out of that picture perfect time. We never…I never had to think about what I would be doing, I only thought about what you meant to me. Even as the distance started and you drifted towards the future I only thought about missing you..because I missed the moment that was us, and I lived in that past, and I watched the future pass me by, and so of course my stupid heart still feels this pain, and my rational thinking is nothing in the face of that mounting tide of nostalgia and loneliness. Ed is 100% dead on here, I miss you.

“She was mine

And I was hers and all that’s in between

If she would cry

I would shelter her and keep her from the darkness that will be.

I’ve moved, far away

From you, and I want to

See you here, beside me dear

But things aren’t clear

Where we never even tried

Never even talked

Never even thought in the long run.

Whenever it was painful,

Whenever I was away, I’d miss you

And I miss you.”

You were supposed to be my new heart and soul, the replacement for those that you stole from me. I was supposed to be your armor, protecting you from anything that tried to hurt you. See how dumb I was, and how smart you were? I gave away my heart, knowing without it I would be empty, and I trusted you to fill me. My dream of love was hopelessly romantic at best, suicidal at worst, and impractical at all levels of the spectrum. You were a genius. You understood that people are not meant to discard their hearts, not meant to be less than 100% for love and look to fill a void. You used love to add value, used love as the fanciest and most bass-ass armor a level 100 Blood-Elf Paladin can buy. Even without that armor, you were still a level 100 Blood Elf Paladin. Sure, some armor would be nice, would make life more enjoyable for certain, but you didn’t NEED it to live. It was a plus, an extra, something you could desire and spend your time looking for until the one that suited you was there, and you could tailor it and dye it all kinds of colors and mend it when it would rip, etc etc. You made love something that added to life while I made love my life. Life has love, which is wonderful and the reason why the red fern grows, but love AS life? Love like that is what makes soul-crushing music like this hurt so good, right?

“Don’t drop me, it’s not my turn

If you cut deep then I might learn

That you scarred and left me

Like a sunburn.

Don’t drop me, it’s not my turn

If you cut deep then I might learn

That you scarred and left me

Like a sunburn.”

You are a sunburn; you came with happy times spent in sunny days, and you left me with the coming of autumn and the bright orange leafs. So were you ever really there? Will I have any physical reminders of your love on my person? I once heard that every cell in our entire body is destroyed and replaced every seven years. So in a short seven years I will have a body that you will have never touched, huh. The thought is both beautiful and the saddest fucking thing I have ever heard.

“Where we never even tried

Never even talked

Never even thought in the long run.

Whenever it was painful,

Whenever I was away, I’d miss you

And I miss you.”

Forever ended. Time was supposed to stand still, but that’s not how clocks work. The seconds turned into blurry months, and you weren’t there for any of them. I was never foolish enough to think I was the only person to have ever feel such a heartbreak. I felt a love so deep that even when it ended I spent my time lingering on a similar set of eyes, but substitutes will always leave a sour aftertaste to sting the tongue, and a bitter glare to match. I feel the pain of being alone. I feel the pain of an uncertain future. I feel the pain of a missing heart. And I miss you. Ed my friend, you know me all too well…