I never stopped writing. I haven’t liked anything I’ve written in the past year, but I kept trying. I have thousands of stray thoughts scattered throughout my harddrive, scribbled onto the blank spaces between the ink of old accounting files that somehow missed their trip to the shredder. I kept trying, and I keep on … Continue reading “I’m a notorious procrastinator, but even if it takes me till the end on my days, I swear I’ll find a reason to love myself.”
I’m tired, but that means something different to me now. Before I just felt tired because I was working myself to death, skipping sleep to put in 100 hour work weeks. I didn’t work for the money, I just needed something to keep my mind preoccupied so it wouldn’t wander onto another train of thought … Continue reading I’m willing to admit I don’t want to die, but the thought of starting over ties my stomach up in knots.
Forever ended. Time was supposed to stand still, But that’s not how clocks work; The seconds turned into blurry months, And you weren’t there for any of them. I was never foolish enough to think I was the only person to have ever felt such a heartbreak. I felt a love so deep that, Even … Continue reading I've stopped searching for happiness, because no matter where I look, it always leads me right back to you…
I think my subconscious is trying to force my throat shut so I can’t keep downing these pills like fucking skittles. Haha, jokes on me, I’ve spent my entire life forcing bullshit out of my mouth, so forcing some more shit back down? It’s easy as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, … Continue reading It’s never as bad as I think it is, until I realize every bottle in my cabinet is empty, and all I can do is wait and see if I’m going to wake up and find tomorrow, or never wake up again.
I can’t resist the urge to break. It’s almost like a need, a physical itch that demands I scratch it with a freshly sharpened pocket knife. I hate this feeling. I am filled up with things and stuff instead of love and warmth, and it hurts. I want to cry. Every day I want to … Continue reading “I’m failing. Everything that I am; body, mind, spirit, and all the other shit in between, I am a failure.”
I’ve spent the past 6 years trying to erase everything. If our lives are homes that grow with time, than what I have been doing is leaving the front door unlocked, every window open, and I couldn’t even wait for the world to rip out anything of value, so I actively participated in the pillaging, … Continue reading I don’t know where I’m coming from, and I don’t care where I’m heading. I wish I had the strength to just…stop.
When gravity fails you don’t fall, instead you drift away into the sky as the heat from the sun increases to give you the world worst case of sunburn, and so you are left waiting as you drift, waiting on anything, something, to come save you. Now, replace gravity with love and the same rules … Continue reading “With nothing to keep me grounded, all I can do is drift towards the Sun, waiting for gravity, or at least something like that.”
I’ve felt the weight of broken men against my chest. I’ve watched as they cried until they had nothing left, collapsing into my arms and letting me guide them into a rocky slumber. I’ve steadied the shaking hands of terrified children. They were small, but the fear in their eyes was big, and it threatened … Continue reading “Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. Most will fight to selflessly serve others, but there are also heroes who only help others because they think that will somehow save themselves.”
Sleeping in is a luxury far removed from my reality. My bed still calls to me every morning, giving the utmost effort to hold me down. But this isn’t an act of kinship with my sheets, rather my sheets are hellbent on smothering me into nothingness. I’m laying facedown, surrounded in a sea of tumbling … Continue reading “I know I’m fucked up, because I’d rather suffer in your shadow than try and make it in this world without you…”
But somewhere, in all that anger, is the pale heart of somebody who wants to be loved.