I was so caught up in the rush, I didn’t bother to think about it at all. I wanted to ride this wave, to live in the fast lane, to never lose the wind blowing through my hair. I wanted it all so badly...that I never noticed. Well, more like I refused to acknowledge the … Continue reading August has arrived, and with it a more relaxed mood for my self reflections.
You don’t have to be afraid, My sweet primrose, Of the coming storm. The clouds are rolling in, And in that gray wave The Lions of the sky reign. Their manes, majestic ash, With roars born From a clash of light Fighting to find solid ground. Look past the lightning, And listen for the moments … Continue reading “The wind is howling, turning raindrops into bristling needles on my arms, and in that familiar pain I can almost remember where the scars all started.”
“People can break into pieces, and every single one of those pieces still has enough of us to feel, enough of us to love, enough of us to break again...We may only have 1 life to live, but in that life, a person can die more than once.” I tried to wash this all away … Continue reading It’s not Hell on Earth, it’s just Hell.
I think it started back when I entered High School, and I would spend entire nights just staring at my arms, wishing there was some sort of magical lotion or bandage that could erase all these obviously self-inflicted cuts. I would be so ashamed, I would write myself an angry letter, boldly declaring I would … Continue reading I expected him to change, because he said he would change, and I am in the habit of believing bad people when they tell me they’ll do something.
I love the smell of water in the air. It’s so fresh, and it makes the air feel soft as I take a deep breath. That scent adds some sort of fluffy tail to the lasts wisps as they trickle in, tickling the back of my throat, making my lips curl towards the sky. It’s … Continue reading Every day is a cloudy day when you can’t even be bothered to open your blinds.
My blood is fighting against me. I can feel it squirm throughout the day, a sharpness that begs for reciprocation. I’m burning up all of my second chances for just a few moments of relief. It’s nothing new, waking up to dried lengths of crimson. It’s nothing new. ~And yet~ I take some solace in … Continue reading “I started smoking recently. I hate the taste, but I crave their warmth, and I have to admit…they make 2AM feel a lot less lonely.”
Breathing in these embers, my esophagus melts like candle wax, and these things I need to get off my chest remain buried in my lungs. They fight for a release, so they worm their way through my veins. I can feel them crawling, a sick itch beneath my skin, sending my sense of touch into … Continue reading “This may sound obvious to some, but you don’t have to say that you’re okay when you aren’t okay.”
Some people bruise really easily. My Mom is like that; she once just slipped walking up the stairs and her entire forearm was a mess of purple and red. I remember because I was about 9, and seeing that freaked me out. I was crying and screaming and running the the phone, ready to dial … Continue reading He took the time between typing shaky lines to peak outside that office window, and wouldn’t you know, it was just wind and snow, but that white somehow felt like a clean slate.
I speak through my actions, louder than my words, Yet my words seem to scream off this page in a way my body never could. I write down the truth I’m either too afraid to verbalize or... No, that’s just it: a fear pays me well to hold my tongue, Demons, both real and living … Continue reading The silence carries with it weight; oxygen now exists in my lungs as heavy air, my throat unable to swallow such a solid mass, unwilling to give passage to that last breath, as I wasted it on words you never heard.
Why would things have to turn out like this, huh? Can anyone give me an answer that would calm me down, turn my radical sense of self-loathing into a more calm, rational sense of mild self-hatred? I am aware; I am a creature of habit. I fall into the holes of life not because of … Continue reading I know the right steps to take, and spending a week in the hospital because I downed to many prescription pills is not one of those steps. So why did I just do that?
That little light from your lampshade 