Tag: cutting

I’m less than garbage, less than dirt. The lowest of the low…I’m truly the definition of a scummy, wasted, worthless existence.

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

~I’m sorry Mom~ You raised me with nothing but love and care. You were so small, but I haven’t met anybody who can match your strength. A day never went by where I didn’t get at least one hug from you. But I stole something from you. With every hug, I was betraying your trust … Continue reading I’m less than garbage, less than dirt. The lowest of the low…I’m truly the definition of a scummy, wasted, worthless existence.

“Life with you wasn’t perfect, but it was only with you that I found myself grateful that I was alive.”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

I understand that what I’m doing isn’t exactly “healthy,” okay? I can comprehend that the momentary sense of euphoria is the result of a release of endorphins in response to the pain. I could get the same effect from something like running, or fucking. Yet here I am, all alone, exhausted from doing fuck all … Continue reading “Life with you wasn’t perfect, but it was only with you that I found myself grateful that I was alive.”

“Tomorrow is where I placed all of my hopes, but I should have saved something, anything, to get me through today…”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 3 Comments

It's never as bad as I think it is, until I take another look in the mirror. My stomach transforms into a pretzel as the realization "I can always get worse" really begins to sink in. The old scars are so faint now that if I avoid bright lights nobody could even see them. I … Continue reading “Tomorrow is where I placed all of my hopes, but I should have saved something, anything, to get me through today…”

“God made me tenderly, with love in every stitch, and how did I repay that care? I forced God to watch me as I ripped open every last seam.”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

No matter how deep I go, I can’t cut it out. I was fighting against the red, but as it slowly faded into black, I caught a glimpse of the truth. I’ve spent so many years living on a razors edge that I stopped fearing sharp objects altogether. No, maybe I was never afraid in … Continue reading “God made me tenderly, with love in every stitch, and how did I repay that care? I forced God to watch me as I ripped open every last seam.”

“I’m awkward, but only when it comes to the things that matter most, like not hurting myself, or laughing at the new scars I don’t remember making.”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 2 Comments

I love the sound of a car door opening, and the taste of orange juice after I brush my teeth. I’m a big fan of Indie YouTube musicians, and I can sing along with any Disney movie. I chug entire cans of Coke because I enjoy the tingling sensation it creates in the back of … Continue reading “I’m awkward, but only when it comes to the things that matter most, like not hurting myself, or laughing at the new scars I don’t remember making.”

“Something is only considered trash because someone comes along and labels it as trash. So when I say I’m trash, it’s not that I’m inherently nothing, but after 20 some years of experiences, I can’t define myself as anything but trash.”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ Leave a comment

There was nothing I could have done.. ~Do you really believe that? That there was nothing you could have done, nothing at all?~ I just wanted to be loved, to feel what love was supposed to be, that forever and always type of love that grows stronger each day, bringing smiles and family and so … Continue reading “Something is only considered trash because someone comes along and labels it as trash. So when I say I’m trash, it’s not that I’m inherently nothing, but after 20 some years of experiences, I can’t define myself as anything but trash.”

“I loved the way she touched me, the way she ran her hands over my past without reservation.”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 1 Comment

Her hands trace over your body, And as they move down your neck The butterflies in your stomach Melt into a solid mass Of fear and uncertainty For what her hands will find… The scars you’ve tried to hide In your summer hoodies And forced affinity for jeans.   Her fingers reach your shoulder, Burning … Continue reading “I loved the way she touched me, the way she ran her hands over my past without reservation.”

“I don’t want to start over…only to end up a broken mess. I can’t imagine what happiness looks like, I can only imagine an ending where I’ve failed again..”

~ taylorfinn0810 ~ 4 Comments

So, what now? I’m at a tipping point, and I don’t want to spend another year, another summer, another second, wasting away. I want to be done dreaming. I want to see my world for what it is, and not what my pride twists it into. I know I’m not worth anything, yet my greedy … Continue reading “I don’t want to start over…only to end up a broken mess. I can’t imagine what happiness looks like, I can only imagine an ending where I’ve failed again..”