“God made me tenderly, with love in every stitch, and how did I repay that care? I forced God to watch me as I ripped open every last seam.”

No matter how deep I go, I can’t cut it out. I was fighting against the red, but as it slowly faded into black, I caught a glimpse of the truth. I’ve spent so many years living on a razors edge that I stopped fearing sharp objects altogether. No, maybe I was never afraid in … Continue reading “God made me tenderly, with love in every stitch, and how did I repay that care? I forced God to watch me as I ripped open every last seam.”

“Doing nothing is something; it means accepting that falling apart is as normal for us as breathing.”

I built you a home in my chest by clearing out everything that was useless. My skin was paper, so I cut it away into tiny shapes of cranes, and you smiled as my flightless birds floated on top of the bathwater. You watched them only long enough to see as they made their way … Continue reading “Doing nothing is something; it means accepting that falling apart is as normal for us as breathing.”

I can’t cry anymore. I used to cry driving home every day. I used to cry in the shower, and when I laid down for bed. I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb my mind, so I wouldn’t have a free thought left to drift towards my unpleasant past, or at least the unpleasant … Continue reading “I am empty, but oddly enough, this emptiness feels heavy…it feels so damn heavy.”

I had the rights words. Sweetling, they were here, Careful carved into The chalky remains Of my soiled soul. The perfect combination, Equal parts desire and guilt, Cloaked in the allure Of a better tomorrow. If you had waited, Just through today, I swear I had it all. If you ever find yourself In … Continue reading “My breath is being forced down my esophagus and into my stomach, where it’s keeping my bubbling guts company as I choke on another dozen pills.”

Walking around the corner, I looked up, searching for the sky. The buildings blocked any shine from the Sun, and all I could think was “what a boring view.” An endless universe exists up there, and I can only see a fraction of a fraction in the best situations, and here I am, living in … Continue reading “Everyone is a someone, and while you don’t know who you are right this second, it’s still a fact that you will always be you.”

I wish I could tell you How much I miss you Without it having to feel So pathetic. I don’t expect you To return to me Any of the things I gave to you. I just want a chance To say the things I’m still feeling. You don’t have to listen. Even though … Continue reading “I’m not going to waste my time screaming into the void. I’m going to find you, plant my feet, and from my own mouth, say the words I need to hear the most.”

There was nothing I could have done.. ~Do you really believe that? That there was nothing you could have done, nothing at all?~ I just wanted to be loved, to feel what love was supposed to be, that forever and always type of love that grows stronger each day, bringing smiles and family and so … Continue reading “Something is only considered trash because someone comes along and labels it as trash. So when I say I’m trash, it’s not that I’m inherently nothing, but after 20 some years of experiences, I can’t define myself as anything but trash.”

When I’m talking to you, I never feel like I’m ever talking “at” you. Like, when I’m telling you a story about work, or about something I did as a kid, or something I imagined I’d do someday, I know your listening. I’m not sure how I know, I just do. It probably has to … Continue reading “For every day I spent believing I deserved to be alone, you promised to help me find all of them, so you could show me that there was never a time when I didn’t deserve love.”

You'll find me in Belgium, on the coast of the North Sea. I'll be swaying on the current, the salty spray of the tide running me towards the Strait of Dover. It bears my essence as it crashes, a crushing cerulean weight to turn rock into sand and sailors dreams into restless sleep. And somewhere … Continue reading “My thoughts are a ship, and I’m no sailor. But the prospect of sinking to the bottom of the sea…it doesn’t sound entirely terrible at the moment.”

Whenever I’m alone, the darkness starts to set in, and I devolve into a mass of guilt and cruelty. I recognize my own sins for what they are; conscience decisions made in the face of a two-faced God. All of the good I’ve accomplished in this world is credited to my creator, while any evil … Continue reading “You walk around in the shadow of your sins, looking for an Ocean to drown out the last dredges of your humanity.”